Misconceptions
by briannasaurus
Summary: Working for Big Time Rush wasn't at all what Tegan had expected.
1. Chapter 1

I rip open the curtain of the middle bunk, revealing a dark haired boy still sound asleep, despite the blaring noise of his alarm. It wasn't surprising that he slept through it with the night he had last night. I reach into the bunk and grab the beeping phone. "Logan, get up," I whisper harshly, shaking his shoulder with one hand while quieting the obnoxious noise with the other.

He makes a noise that's somewhere between a groan and a yawn. Stretching and twisting his body so that he's facing me. He smiles lazily, "Good morning, gorgeous."

So he's starting early. "You have a half hour to get ready," I tell him, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.

I turn fully around, but before I can get my hands on the patterned beige curtain, it draws open. A pair of long, tan, bare legs swing over the edge. I blow out a large puff of air. Again, not surprising. She drops down onto the floor then pulls her tight red dress further down to cover her thighs. Nice hair, pretty features, too bad she just got screwed over.

"I'm guessing you're from Detroit, we're in Illinois now. You're going to need a cab," I say, void of any emotion.

She nods then faces the man in the bunk, her eyes asking the question they all ask. He smiles that same smile he does every time and hands her a few bills, probably forty dollars. The whole exchange reminds me of something illegal.

I mouth the words as he says them, knowing every move of his whole imprudent routine by now. "I'll be thinking about you worldwide," he smirks, that stupid, annoying, smug smirk.

She giggles and I just about throw up. Even the pretty ones fall for it. He gives her one last kiss then sends her off. "Call me," she calls before stepping out of the unmoving bus.

"Thirty minutes, Kendall," I say, trying my best to suppress my disgust.

He hops down, landing on his feet in front of me. My eyes line up with the top of his sternum, right where the collar bones come together in a barely visible horseshoe indent. I sigh at the small deep-red bruise on the base of neck. So fucking stupid.

In a calm tone that I even surprise myself with, I say, "You better cover that up." I nod at the hickey. Kendall laughs because he's an idiot. He's about to say something, but I turn quickly on my heel heading toward the front of the bus. I look down at the screen of my phone. "Ya'll have an interview at Kiss FM this morning, lunch, meet and greet, sound check, then whatever until lockdown," I read out to the both of them.

I look up from my phone to see Logan finally out of his bunk, but not decent. Not decent at all. What. The. Hell. Shirtless was one thing, but pant-less? Not something I ever wanted to see from him. I squeeze my eyes shut forcefully.

I pull a hotel card key out of my pocket and place it on the small table. "Room 214 for showers. Remember, twenty-five minutes."

I turn and reach for the door knob, glad to finally be free.

"Tegan?"

"What?" I answer exasperatedly, not turning around. I need to get off this bus. There's only so much of him I could handle without wanting to punch something.

"Your ass looks great in those jeans."

The anger that has been slowly collecting since I woke him up rose at full force, almost causing my body to shake. My jaw tightens and I flip him off from behind my back, walking off the bus and slamming the door.

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. If I didn't need this job so badly, I would've quit weeks ago.

My heels click loudly against the asphalt as I walk the short distance to the other bus. My mood instantly improves as soon as I walk in. The sight of the remaining two members of the band actually awake and fully dressed washing away my anxiety, though the anger stays.

Carlos is talking on the phone with a smile on his face, when he finally looks up at me he waves. While I'm returning the gesture, James walks out of the bathroom, drying his hands with a dark green towel.

"Hey," he says softly, as if not to disturb Carlos' call. He gestures to the back room and I follow him down the length of the bus.

"I can't tell you how happy I am that you guys are ready." I plop down onto the couch and let out a loud sigh. Fox runs over to me, jumping onto my lap. "Hey, buddy," I smile at the puppy, laughing softly as he licks my cheek. James sits down next to me and Fox starts alternating between us, looking for whatever attention he can get. "Can I get him kicked out of the band by filing for sexual harassment?" I ask James, even though I already know the answer.

"Sure," he laughs, "We'll just have Fox here take his spot. He can sing. Right, Fox? Show Teige your singing capability." James makes a mouth shape with his hands while commanding Fox to speak. Fox barks twice and I laugh as James praises his dog. He was like an insane stage dad.

"The way your treat your dog is ridiculous," I tease.

James's face changes immediately, his smile dropping. "The way I treat my what?"

"Your do- Oh god, James. You are not serious," I laugh, remembering the conversation we had a few days ago. The conversation I _thought_ we were kidding about. His expression stays the same, one eyebrow slightly raised as he waits for me to say what he wants. "You're so weird," I mumble under my breath, shaking my head.

"What was that?"

"Fine, Maslow," I sigh overdramatically. "The way you treat your_ son_ is ridiculous."

His smile returns at full force, as if it doesn't even matter that I technically insulted him. "Thank you." He scratched Fox between his ears. "But in all seriousness-"

"Don't even say their names," I interrupt. "I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep my breakfast down if you do."

James laughs. He and Carlos both knew about my problems with the guys on the other bus. "They're not that bad, Tegan. I mean they make questionable decisions, but that's just about where it ends. Not that I'm condoning their actions or anything, but you can't penalize them just because they take advantage of their opportunities."

I shoot him a pointed look. "So, say hypothetically you didn't have a girlfriend. Would you be doing the same thing?"

"Well, no-"

Carlos walks into the room and before James can finish, I ask him the same thing. "Carlos, if you weren't with Sam, would you be 'taking advantage of your opportunities' like Kendall and Logan?" I curl my fingers in air quotes around James' words.

His eyes widen in shock. "Uhm, no..?" he answers slowly, confused about the whole situation.

"You see!" I exclaim, eager to get my point across. "Ya'll are the same age, in the same position, have the _same _opportunities, yet you wouldn't do it. So what makes it right that they can?"

"It's not against the law to sleep with multiple girls, Teige," Carlos says, fully engrossed in the conversation now.

"Just like it's not against the law for me not to like him for it," I counter.

"Wait a second, you said 'he' not 'they'," James says suspiciously. "You said he before too, when you first got here."

Shit. "No I didn't. I said they," I say defensively, my heart beat beginning to quicken.

"No, you said he, which implies that you dislike one of them more than the other." Carlos seats himself on the other side of me.

"But that wouldn't make sense because the reason you dislike them is the same, so why would you hate one more?" James evaluates and I suddenly feel claustrophobic between the two of them. Not because of the lack of space, but because of their prodding questions.

"Ya'll watch way too many cop shows," I say, fighting off the nervousness.

They both ignore me.

James looks up at the ceiling before saying, "So either one of them hits on you more…"

"Or there's another reason why you hate one of them," Carlos adds.

"So now you're finishing each other's sentences?"

They both face me, their eyes boring into either side of my face as I keep my focus on Fox in my lap.

"Who is it, Tegan?"

"Kendall or Logan?"

Growing frustrated about being found out, I furrow my eyebrows. "Why do you guys even need to know?"

"Hmm, I don't know," says James sarcastically. "Maybe because there's two months left of this tour and we're all going to get tired of you complaining after every trip to their bus."

I glare at him. "Rude."

James shrugs then Carlos says, "C'mon, Teige, we already know there's something. You can either tell us now, or we'll just figure it out when all _five_ of us are together."

I sigh heavily, burying my face in my hands. "I slept with him," I mumble.

"You what?" they both gasp in unison.

"Who?"

"Kendall," I groan, my secret finally out. "I slept with Kendall."

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! I hope you like it. (: Make sure to review, criticism is welcome. You can share your comments here or on my tumblr (the link is on my page).<strong>

**Reminder; In no way am I trying to degrade Kendall or Logan, it's all purely fiction.**


	2. Chapter 2

**This is part one of a two-part flashback. And don't worry we'll get to the present soon and I promise everything will make sense. Haha. Enjoy!**

It was hot, and muggy, and loud, and agitating, and definitely _not _where I wanted to be. There were people everywhere, stumbling around like the drunken idiots they were. Graduation night, the biggest party of your entire high school experience. A celebratory way to say, "Hey, we're finally out of this hell hole! We made it!" But I viewed it as more of a funeral, because after tonight, I never want to see any of these people. Ever again.

The first few years were tolerable, fun even. I was pulled into it all; I thought it was something I wanted. I thought I wanted tons of friends. I thought I wanted to catch the eyes of the football players. I thought I wanted to go to parties and skip class to hang with boys a grade older. I _had _wanted it, up until I didn't. When I finally realized how everything and everyone was so _fake. _Fake hair, fake nails, fake clothes, contacts to change the color of your eyes to a fake one, fake MySpace photos that made you look five pounds lighter and a whole cup size larger. Fake friendships. Fake relationships.

It was like a drain I kept getting sucked down. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get out of it. I couldn't force myself to wear that ripped pair of jeans to school. "These aren't cute," Summer would say, holding the thick fabric up between two fingers, her face one of disgust. I'd agree, saying something lame like, "Right! My mom got those for me. I don't even know, she doesn't understand." Even though I hated it, I knew that if I didn't wear a skirt or a dress I'd lose everything at the drop of a hat, and for some reason that was worse than acting like someone I wasn't.

This party, I had decided, was the last time I would pretend to be one of the people I had grown to hate. No more prim, prissy, and popular Lily Carter. After this party I'd finally become the person I've wanted to be for years. I'd embrace my first named that was deemed "too emo-motional" by someone who didn't even know what the word meant, let alone the fact that it wasn't even a real word. I'd finally become Tegan Carter.

I'd finally become me.

I contemplate doing my rounds to say goodbye to everyone, but it was only 9:30 and that would just make them all try to convince me to stay. Instead I pull the heels off of my feet and shove them into my purse, pulling out the black pair of flip flops I always kept inside and slipping them on. I probably looked ridiculous, in my fancy fitted dark red dress that hit mid-thigh and a pair of worn, three year old flip flops, but at this point I didn't care.

I exit the house of someone I don't even remember the name of only to find myself looking out onto sheets of rain pelting down like bullets from under the covered patio. "You've got to be kidding me," I mumble. I didn't have a ride. I had been planning on walking home, seeing as it was only four blocks. With the idea of walking home soaking wet completely unappealing, I decide to wait it out. The party inside was also greatly unappealing, so I sit on the bench to the side of the door.

Minutes pass, the door opening and closing numerous times. A guy I faintly recognize from Government first semester asks if I have a "smoke to spare", I shake my head. Goose bumps start to form on my arms and legs, bringing a slight prickling pain along with them, but I ignore it. The door opens again and a tall lanky boy walks out. He has long dark blonde hair that falls just above his thick eyebrows. I can tell he's a senior, even though his face is completely new.

He sits down next to me. "I guess I'm not the only one who's tired of the whole party scene, huh?"

I laugh softly, grateful for company from a new face, especially one who thought the way I did. "Definitely not."

He looks at me for the first time and I notice that his eyes are a stunning shade of green. The small smile on his lips has barely visible dimples forming on his cheeks. Something about him was so _real _and in a way, it made me nervous.

I knew all the tricks, I could tell if someone had other things on their mind while talking to me or if they were simply using me to kill time. But this guy, he had no ulterior motive, he wanted conversation with me, though I didn't know why.

His smile suddenly drops and his voice drips of more concern than it should for a stranger when he says, "You're freezing."

"N-no, I'm okay," I stutter, my chattering teeth contradicting my words.

"This isn't going to help much." He shrugs out of his light aqua blue hoodie, leaving him in a white and black striped v-neck. "But it's more than what you've got now." He holds the garment out to me.

"I couldn't. Won't you get cold? Or aren't you leaving, or something?" I curse inwardly. Stupid.

He arches an eyebrow. "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"No!" I say, a little too quickly for my liking. My cheeks burn from embarrassment and the heat makes me realize just how cold the rest of my body is. "I-I mean, you left the party and-"

"Relax," he laughs and it's the most genuine laugh I've heard in a long time. My embarrassment eases. "I was just kidding. But seriously, take it."

Giving in, I take the jacket from him and pull it on, zipping it all the way up to my chin to try and get as much warmth out of it as possible. The heat from his body is still trapped inside which warms me quickly as his scent wafts up into my nose. The smell is so intoxicatingly pleasing that I have the urge to never give the jacket back.

"Here." He pulls the hood over my head then smiles, dimples embedded deep into his cheeks. "Better?"

I smile back because of how charming he is, how cute his dimples are, and because his smile is contagious. "A lot. Thanks…" I trail off, realizing that I didn't even know the name of the guy whose hoodie was preventing me from catching a cold.

"Kendall."

"Kendall," I echo, glad to finally be able to put a name to his face.

"Yeah," he nods. "And you're Lily, right?"

"Tegan," I swiftly correct him. "I mean, yeah, I used to be Lily. But I'm Tegan now." I turn away from him, mentally kicking myself for sounding like an idiot _again_.

"Tegan…," he says slowly after a few seconds. I return my attention to him and his eyes bore into mine, almost like he's trying to figure something out. "I like that."

I smile hard. No one has called me by my first name in four years. I even made my parents call me Lily. Hearing Kendall say it was…indescribable. It felt like I was being awakened from an excessively long sleep.

"Wanna get out of here?" he asks suddenly.

"Uh," I sputter, surprised. "I-"

"I'm not trying to hook up with you or anything," he assures me. "I figure we could drive somewhere and hang out, talk, get something to eat maybe… Preferably someplace warm."

A laugh bubbles up from my throat. "Yeah, sure, Kendall."

He stands then holds his hand out to me. "I'm guessing our best bet is to just run straight through this," he says, gesturing to the pouring rain. "You in?"

I grasp his hand in mine, his large one covering my much smaller one almost completely. I notice just how tall he is as I stand next to him. I have to tilt my head back in order to look into his eyes. "Definitely."

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading. I hope you liked it! And again, this may be confusing but I promise it'll clear up soon. I'll probably have the next chapter up sometime at the beginning of next week. <strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Omg, I am so so so so so sorry about how long this took. I had finals, then I had this interview for a job, and then I got really really sick and had to go to the ER. All of these things took up way more of my time than I had expected. Hopefully ya'll can forgive me, haha. I will definitely be updating more often now because I'm on Spring Break. So yeah, enjoy!**

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><p>The cold rain pelts down on us as we run through the yard, water splashing everywhere every time one of our shoes collides with the wet grass. My legs are slick with rain within seconds and the water is already starting to seep through Kendall's hoodie. Even though we're soaking wet, I'm sure our laughter can be heard from miles away. Kendall leads me to a grey sedan, the dullness of the color hinting that it was old.<p>

As soon as we step off of the grass and onto the sidewalk, I slip, stumbling backwards away from Kendall. I brace myself for the impact of the hard concrete, but instead feel a strong arm wrap around my waist, holding me a few feet above the ground. Pulling us both into an upright position, he stands slowly, his eyes locked on mine. With his grip still tight around my waist our bodies stay pressed together, our chests heaving steadily.

My heart is beating so loud I swear he could hear it, even over the heavily pounding rain. His hair is matted to his forehead, drops of water sliding from the tips down his nose and chin. In contrast with the darkness of his wet hair, his eyes were even more striking than they had been earlier, tracing over every feature of my face in the same way my own were doing to him. My eyes fall to his lips as his tongue darts out to collect the water on the perfectly shaped plump flesh.

"Thank you," I whisper when I finally catch my breath.

My words seem to bring him out of his daze and he immediately releases his hold on me. I almost regret thanking him, missing the warmth of his touch as soon as it's gone. The corner of my mouth turns down in an unintentional frown which causes Kendall to smirk. I'm not sure if I should roll my eyes or shrink in embarrassment.

Kendall pulls the passenger door open for me, shutting it once I'm inside. I gaze around the interior of the vehicle as I pull my hair up into a bun atop my head. A green plant shaped air freshener hangs from the rearview mirror, there's trash scattered around the floor of the backseat along with CD's and notebooks that I assume were used for school. A large black case sits across the length of the seats.

Kendall switches the heat on as soon as he enters the car, rubbing his hands together in front of the vent while waiting for the air to warm.

"You play guitar?" I ask, tipping my head back to the case.

At first he doesn't look at me, his concentration still on warming his hands and I realize that he must be freezing. His shirt is soaked all the way through, clinging closely to his upper body. "Huh?" he replies, distracted.

"Are you cold? Maybe you should just drive me home," I suggest half-heartedly.

He looks at me for the first time since we were outside. "Do you want to go home, Tegan?"

I shake my head, "Not really."

"Then I'm fine." His face lights up like he just remembered something. "Hold on a second." He jumps out of the car and I can hear noises coming from the back. When he returns he's covered in a fresh coat of rain and holding a black backpack. "My mom," he laughs nervously. "She's really cool and I love her to death but she's a bit crazy, in an overprotective way. Luckily for us, she forced me to bring this with me tonight," he explains while pulling clothing out of the bag.

He stares at me with scrutiny before tossing a green shirt onto my lap, followed by a pair of grey sweats. I'm surprised that he still has a decent amount of clothes to sort through.

"Where did your mom think you were going? On a road trip to Mexico?" I tease. I peel his jacket off my shoulders, setting it to the side.

Kendall laughs, "I told you she was crazy." He pulls the drenched shirt off his body and I can't stop my eyes from scanning his chest. All too soon his skin is covered again.

I quickly avert my gaze in hopes that he didn't notice, and if he did he doesn't voice it. I play with the fresh fabric in my hands, suddenly uneasy about the whole situation.

"What's wrong? Shit, I didn't even ask you if you were okay with this. I-"

"No, Kendall, I'm fine really… I just- Can you unzip my dress for me?" I ask quietly, looking up at him from underneath thick eyelashes, my cheeks warm with embarrassment.

He swallows hard. "Uhm yeah, sure."

It's not normal, how much I trust him. Hell, I only met him less than an hour ago. There was just something there, in his eyes, in his smile, something that made me want to spend as much time as possible with him. Something that made me feel both comfortable and nervous at the same time.

I twist around in the seat, facing the window. Goose bumps erupt under the touch of his cold fingertips. I hadn't noticed how close he was until I feel his hot breath on my neck as he whispers, "Sorry." The faint smell of beer and peppermint fill my nose. I open my mouth but can't manage to get anything out. He pulls the zipper down smoothly, keeping a slow pace. He stops half way down my back.

I could do it myself. The zipper was low enough now that I could reach behind my back and pull it down the rest of the way, but-

"More," I softly urge.

He hesitates for a second before obliging. He reaches the end, only a few inches above the band of my undergarments. The pads of his fingers brush against the newly exposed skin, his touch feather light. My eyelids flutter shut and my head drops back as he increases the pressure on my lower back, his hands spreading across the span of it. They're rough against my skin, the callouses answering the question I had asked earlier. A small sigh escapes from my lips and I instantly pull away from Kendall.

With my back against the seat again I squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to register what just happened. It's hard to tell if the heat I was feeling came from the vents or the way he was touching me. I didn't even know him before tonight. I hadn't even had a normal conversation with him yet. But now I'm here, in his car and all I want is for him to touch me like that again.

I shake my head to free myself of those thoughts then pull the sweats I almost forgot he had given me over my legs from under the dress.

"Uhm, so," Kendall clears his throat. The car moves forward and I'm glad that there's something to distract him. "Who's Tegan?"

"What?" I reply absentmindedly. I have to roll the waistband of his sweats four times so that my feet could pop out the other end.

"Who's Tegan, as opposed to Lily?" His tone is so casual it's like nothing happened.

Grateful for the lack of awkwardness, I think for a few minutes. I had never asked myself that, I just thought of the change as a way to start new after high school. "Tegan is… obviously spontaneous," I say with a smile and Kendall chuckles. "She does what she wants, when she wants and she doesn't care about what anyone thinks." I manage to successfully dress myself in Kendall's clothes without exposing any skin by pulling his shirt on over my dress before removing it. "She wears random guy's clothes," I add, gesturing to my new attire.

Kendall laughs loudly and I can't help but smile at the sound. "She talks about herself in third person," he says slyly while looking over at me from the corner of his eye.

I smack his arm lightly. "Shut up!" I laugh. "_She_," I start once it's quiet again. "takes chances and lives life with no regrets."

Kendall nods. "Those sound like some good qualities, but you forgot something." He glances over at me for a moment before turning back to the road.

"What?"

"She's very pretty."

I smile down at my lap, a blush rising to my cheeks. Slightly uncomfortable with the attention, I joke, "How could I possibly be pretty in these hideous clothes?"

Kendall gasps overdramatically. "She's also very rude and has no taste in fashion." I can tell that he's holding back his laughter, his lips quivering as he tries to keep them down in a straight line.

Unlike him, the smile is wide on my lips as I say, "Well let me tell you something about Kendall. He's a _jerk_ and a loser and-and…" Kendall laughs as I trail off, searching for more to say. "A momma's boy!" I hadn't even realized that Kendall pulled into a parking lot until the car stops.

He turns toward me, a mischievous smile on his lips as he arches an eyebrow. "Momma's boy, huh? You're in for it now, Tegan."

"Shit." The word drops from my lips and I swallow hard with wide eyes. Kendall chuckles darkly then lunges forward, the confined space making it easier for him to reach me. Squeezing and pinching, Kendall's hands move quickly over the skin on my sides. I scream and squirm under his grasp, gasping for air as laughter floods the car.

"K-Kendall! Sto-stop!" I whine between laughs.

He just smiles, dimples deep in his cheeks, his nose scrunched up, enjoying the state his torture is putting me in. "Would you look at that, Tegan is extremely ticklish as well," he says, still playing along with our game.

"You're going to make me pee!" I yell. Just like I had hoped Kendall pulls his hands away quickly and I dart out the door. "Ha ha ha ha ha!" I sing while shaking my hips. "Would you look at that, Kendall is extremely gullible as well," I say in a deep voice, imitating his words.

Kendall looks up at me from his spot frozen in the car, his open mouth closing as he tightens his jaw and narrows his eyes. My smile fades away as he climbs out of the car, taking steps closer to me. His size alone is intimidating; add that to the inadequate lighting from the street lights and practically empty parking lot and we've got a problem.

I put my hands up in defense. "Totally kidding, Kendall. Seriously. There's no reason to-" He darts forward and I scream. I turn and run, my flip-flops slapping against the still wet asphalt though the rainclouds have rolled away. I run as fast as I can with much difficulty while trying to hold the baggy sweats over my hips.

I catch a glimpse of Kendall on my right side only a few feet behind me and scream again. His long legs obviously gave him the advantage. I take a sharp right, cutting in front of a yellow VW Beetle and Kendall groans when he's not able to slow down quick enough to turn. I throw my head back in a laugh.

"Tegan!"

The concern in his voice causes me to look back at him with confusion. I trip over something, the rough surface scraping the top of my foot. My arms shoot out in front of me on impulse. Pain surges through my body when I crash down onto the concrete. I roll onto my back, moaning in agony from my throbbing hands and knees as water slowly seeps through the fabric of Kendall's clothing.

Kendall skids to a stop next to me, his voice breathy but full of worry as he says, "Tegan! Are you okay? Talk to me, what hurts?" He pulls my head onto his lap and I turn into his torso, not wanting him to see the tears streaming from my eyes. He takes my hands in his, turning my palms up and letting out a sigh, "You're bleeding." Slipping an arm under my knees and the other behind my back, Kendall lifts me up from the ground and begins to walk.

I bury my face into his chest, his smell managing to soothe me in the slightest bit. I can feel warm blood trickling down my shin and pooling in the palms of my hands, overwhelming pain coursing through me. "It h-hurts, Kendall," I hiccup against him as I try to hold back my cries.

Kendall tightens his hold around me. "Shh, it's okay," he soothes.

We reach his car quicker than I had expected and Kendall somehow manages to open the back door without jostling me too much. He sets me down on the edge of the seat then places his guitar on the floor of the car gently. Ignoring the dampness of the back of my shirt and pants, I scoot back so that I'm pressed against the seat, taking deep breathes in and out. The pain is still there but the tears finally stop.

"Hold on," Kendall says quietly. He searches through the glove compartment, mumbling words of approval as he pulls out a small white box. "Remember how I said we're lucky that my mom is crazy?" He returns to his spot next to me. His tone is different now, much lighter like he's trying to lift the mood.

"Mhm."

He opens the box revealing the remnants of a first aid kit. "We're very lucky." He lifts a roll of bandages into my sight with a soft smile. My heart warms at the sight, his eyes shining despite the current situation. I force a smile that must've not been very convincing because Kendall's eyebrows knit together again and I instantly feel bad for upsetting him.

I chew on the inside of my cheek, all the pain from the rest of my body moving to that localized spot. Kendall starts to dab at the scrapes on my left hand with an anti-biotic wipe. I pull away from him quickly to escape the stinging he was causing.

"Tegan," he muses. I inhale deeply then hold my hand out for him. "Good girl. Now ask me something, to get your mind off of it," he suggests.

My eyes fall to the case at my feet. "Are you in a band?"

He laughs softly. "Yeah." He places the wipe aside and starts to wrap bandages over the raw skin. "I sing and play guitar, obviously."

His laugh brings a smile to my face. His hair is pushed back, different from the way it rested on his forehead before we ran through the rain. Thick brown eyelashes block my view of his eyes as he stays focused on the task at hand.

"Ya'll any good?"

He laughs again and looks up at me, green eyes full of amusement. "I'd like to say so, yeah."

"I wanna hear something…I mean, only if you're good."

Kendall smirks, shaking his head. "We're good," he states confidently. He tears the bandage with his teeth then smooths it down. My breath hitches when he presses his lips against the material. His eyes flicker to mine, his gaze so intense my stomach flips.

"Don't look at me like that," I mutter and my eyes widen. That was not supposed to come out.

"What was that?" Kendall asks, the smile on his lips proving that he actually had heard me.

I close my eyes forcefully, shutting away all the thoughts that invaded me while looking at him. His strong jawline and hypnotizing eyes. The way he carried me without breaking a sweat despite his lanky stature. The deep dimples that etched into his cheeks each time he smiled or laughed. How his hands felt pressed against my skin. His perfect, enticing lips.

Those same lips brush against the palm of my other now completely wrapped hand and I have to bite down on my lip to keep from saying anything. I couldn't tell him that the touch made the pain disappear or how badly I wanted those lips on mine.

"You okay, Tegan? You're not dizzy or anything, right?" he asks, breaking the silence that had taken over. He moves his hand onto my cheek to scan my face with earnest eyes.

I'm afraid that he can feel my pulse quicken when his thumb starts to rub against my skin lightly, so I shy away. "N-no, I'm fine. But I think I ruined your sweats." I gesture to the left leg of the grey fabric, ripped right at the knee.

After a second, Kendall looks. "It's only one hole," he dismisses. "Besides they look better on you anyway."

"But they're way too big," I laugh nervously, pulling at the excess material. Kendall examines the cut on my knee. Before he asks, I hike the pant leg up to my thigh so that he can better access the scrape.

He smiles warmly, "You're a character, you know that?" Kendall dabs a new wipe onto my skin and I suck in a breath at the stinging sensation. He looks up at me, apologizing with his eyes.

"What do you mean?" I ask through gritted teeth.

"Throughout school, you portrayed yourself as this girl who's extremely confident and who ultimately had no flaws, and I believed it, I think everyone did. But now… it's like you're a way different person than I expected. You're a smartass, you're funny, surprisingly clumsy, and every time I compliment you you get all nervous."

His last words add a blush to the smile on my face. "Who I was in school wasn't the real me, at all, rather years of practice and manipulation," I say with a soft laugh. Kendall spreads a large square Band-Aid over my knee then sits down beside me. "You're actually the first person I've been myself around in years," I admit after a minute and Kendall's face lights up. "It's weird really, because I barely even know you, yet there's something about you that makes me feel just… comfortable, I guess." I look down, embarrassed, then sigh, "That sounds stupid, doesn't it?"

"No," he assures quickly. "Not at all."

When I look up at him again his eyes bore into mine so deeply that I have to turn away. I'm not quite sure why I do it, but I mumble, "You didn't kiss it."

"Huh?"

"My knee." I pull my foot onto the seat, bending my leg in front of me and ignoring the slight sting.

The atmosphere in the car instantly changes as he speaks in a low voice, "Do you want me to?"

With my focus still on the beige bandage, I nod. He leans forward and presses his lips to the covered skin. The kiss lasts longer than the ones before. My stomach does that weird flipping thing again and the desire to pull his lips up to mine is almost too hard to push away.

Kendall calls my name softly when he returns to his previous position. I turn and his face is only a few inches away from mine. "You said you're taking chances, right?"

I nod again, though it's more subtle this time. His breath tickles my upper lip as he slowly moves closer, lifting a hand to cup the nape of my neck. His lips feel even better than I had imagined when they finally touch mine. He kisses me gently at first, his soft faintly chapped lips barely brushing against mine. I rest my hands on his chest before sliding them up to come together around his neck. Taking this as a sign of approval, Kendall adds more pressure to the kiss. Our lips move rhythmically, coming together and pulling apart in perfect synchronization.

I scoot further to the opposite side of the car, not breaking contact with Kendall once. He trails his tongue over my bottom lip and I let out a small involuntary moan, parting my lips just far enough for his tongue to slip through. He straddles my thighs between his knees while our tongues slide together, the kiss growing steamy. Just the mere feeling of kissing him had my heart beating erratically and when he grazed his tongue over the roof of my mouth it got even worse.

I pull away to catch my breath, both of us panting heavily. The windows are already starting to fog up. Kendall's eyelids are heavy, his eyes glazed over with lust. I lower myself so that I'm lying across the seat.

Kendall smirks, "You really want to do this in the backseat of my Chevy?"

"Taking chances, remember?" I bite my lip before pulling his body down on top of mine with a sudden surge of confidence, wanting nothing more than to feel his touch.

"No regrets," he says quietly while caressing my cheek, almost as if he was posing a question.

"No regrets," I confirm and Kendall's smiling lips are covering mine again almost instantly.

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><p><strong>Like I said before, there empty points will be cleared up in later chapters. So if you feel like something's missing I promise that I will clear everything up. <strong>

**Thank you so much for your reviews. I love hearing what you guys think!**


	4. Chapter 4

"We were a lot more involved with this album. We actually wrote eight out of the twelve songs," James explains to the radio host, the answer coming out effortlessly yet almost robotic from having repeated the information so many times.

The woman doesn't notice that James' interest is partially a façade, hidden behind the beaming smile on his face. She nods, her dark brown bangs bouncing against her forehead. "Oh yeah? Are any of them particularly special to you guys?"

From the other side of James, Carlos chimes in, "Well, I wrote _Invisible_ and I like that one a lot. It has a great message."

Logan picks up when he finishes, "I wrote _Time of Our Life_ and that one's really fun. It's a real high energy song and everyone has fun dancing…"

From my spot against the wall I begin to daze off, having heard responses along the same lines multiple times over the past few weeks at previous interviews. My mind wanders to my conversation with Carlos and James only two days ago; when I revealed the real reason for my dislike of Kendall. Since then they have been constantly begging me to tell them what happened after me and Kendall's… encounter. They swore they wouldn't bring it up in front of anyone, so I've been doing my best to keep the alone time with Carlos and James to a minimum and changing the subject every time it came up.

Telling them what happened afterwards would mean that I'd have to live through it again and there was no way I was going to put myself through that. I had just gotten over the flood of emotions that came along with seeing him for the first time in five years when the tour started. I shut myself off from feeling anything towards Kendall, besides hate. He wasn't the kid I used to know anymore, so why even bother thinking of him.

If this job wasn't such a great addition to my resume, I definitely wouldn't be here. In the beginning I thought it would get better, that somehow I would develop a tolerance for his actions, or the Kendall I knew would resurface, but that never happened and it looked like it never would. He had managed to completely abolish any positive feeling I felt toward him in record time. The difference between this Kendall and the Kendall I knew was so incredibly vast that for the first few days I couldn't wrap my head around it. But, I get it now. Whether Kendall has always been this way and I just never noticed, or for whatever reason he changed, it didn't matter because this is who he is now.

A huge, annoying douchebag.

Logan, on the other hand, was more of a medium-sized, annoying asshole. As much as I hated to admit it, without the "emotional attachment" that I had for Kendall, it was harder to hate him as much. Sure, he made crappy decisions and was relentless with trying to get me in bed with him, but he never hurt me. Sometimes I wanted to accept Logan's choices, blame it on "being young and living life", and be polite towards him in whatever way_ just _to get on Kendall's nerves. Make it seem like Kendall was the sole one I hated, which was true, though they didn't know.

There's an uproar of laughter from the small crowd sitting in front of the five stools occupied by the boys and the middle-aged woman. Judging by the blush on the interviewer's cheeks and the smirk on Logan's lips, I assume that the 'who's the biggest flirt' question was posed. It always happens this way; he'd pretend to deny it then seconds after he'd hit on whatever woman in the room. I don't understand why girls constantly eat that shit up.

"Okay, last question," the brunette woman starts again, "something that I'm sure everyone here wants to know…" Ah, here it comes, the inevitable. "Are you guys single?"

Carlos chuckles, "Everyone just got really quiet, that's really funny." The room is filled with laughter again.

"It's very important and viable information, Carlos," Logan says in mock-seriousness with a smirk and the other boys nod.

"So to answer your question, with the exception of Carlos, we are all single," James states, his answer only partly honest seeing as he was also a part of the exception.

"And mingling," Kendall adds slyly. He and Logan exchange a glance, their cocky expressions making me want to slap the smirks right off their faces. Of course the audience thinks that it's funny, they start laughing again. If only they knew.

Rolling my eyes, I turn away from the group. The hour is almost up and because the boys had done their signing before the interview started, we could finally leave. Leaving the boys in Ranel's capable hands for the last few remaining minutes, I head out to the large black SUV sitting in front of the radio station. I lean against the side of the car and pull out my phone, scrolling through my contacts until I reach Bret, my boss.

Our conversation is short, after I tell him that we should be arriving at the venue within the next thirty minutes, my stomach knots up when he requests that I come and talk to him as soon as we get there. My hands start to shake as I hit the end button.

What could he possibly need to talk to me about so urgently? Was I doing something wrong? I'd made sure the boys had been on time to all of their events so far. This interview was at a later time than usual, scheduled to end only two hours before the show. I always had those two hours off, so the fact that Bret wanted to talk to me was unnerving. What if he knew about Kendall and I? What if someone told him about the morning I acted unprofessionally towards Kendall and Logan?

I run a hand through my hair, pushing my bangs away from my face with a sigh. The front doors open and the boys start to trail out of the building. The group loads into the car, and for whatever horrific reason I get stuck sitting between James and Carlos in the very back. I would've put up with sitting next to Logan or even Kendall if it meant I wouldn't have any chance of solitude with the other two. Kendall and Logan start arguing about who the redhead in the front was more interested in.

Taking this as the perfect opportunity to bombard me, the guys on either side of me both turn towards me as soon as the car starts moving.

"Look," I start before they have the chance to say anything. "I already told ya'll. After it happened, we went to IHOP to eat, and then he dropped me off at home. That's it, alright? Obviously, I was just another girl that he slept with, nothing different from what he does now. It meant _nothing_ to me and clearly it fucking meant nothing to him. So just drop it, okay?" My tone had grown harsh without me noticing. I hold my breath and glance around the car, making sure no one besides Carlos and James heard what I had said. "Please," I add softly, not wanting to think about my past with Kendall any longer.

But no matter how hard I try to convince Carlos, James, and even myself that that night meant nothing to me, it would never be true.

_Kendall cuts the engine and the car goes quiet. He flicks his keys hanging from the ignition twice before turning to face me. "I had a great time with you tonight, Tegan."_

"_Are you referring to the whole night, or just the sex?" I ask skeptically, a smile threatening to break way onto my lips._

"_Oh, definitely _just _the sex," he smirks._

"_It was pretty great, wasn't it?" _

_He laughs while shaking his head slightly. "But seriously, as amazing as that was, even if it hadn't have happened I still would've had an enjoyable night."_

_The intensity in his eyes has my cheeks burning and my confident demeanor disappearing instantaneously. I turn away from his gaze, snapping the hairband around my wrist. It was weird how one minute I could talk to him like it was nothing, like we were the best of friends, but then as soon as those bright green eyes landed on mine I felt as though I could throw up from the abundance of butterflies in my stomach. _

"_I had a great time with you too, Kendall," I reply quietly, glancing up at him._

_Kendall smiles softly, his dimples barely visible. "You don't just mean the sex, right?" he teases and I roll my eyes good-naturedly. _

_Realizing how late it is, I reluctantly reach for the buckle of my seatbelt. Before I can push down on the button, Kendall's hand covers mine. My eyes flutter up to his as he trails his fingers up my arm and to the side of my face. The pads of his fingers trace my jawline lightly then stop to cup my jaw, his large hand covering my entire cheek, the now familiar calluses rubbing against my skin. This time when our lips touch it's not as hungry as before. His lips move against mine slowly and I savor every moment. My hands gravitate up to the back of his head, lightly twisting his dark blonde locks between my fingers. I'm grateful that he keeps the languid pace, knowing that even the slightest advancement would lead me to wanting all of him._

_Kendall pulls away gradually and I'm tempted to move in and catch his lips with mine again. He rests his forehead on mine before saying, "I should probably get your phone number."_

"_Yeah," I reply softly. _

_We pull apart so that I can input my number into his phone and he the same with mine. I gather my things from the floor of his car and pull them onto my lap. I look at Kendall one last time and his expression mirrors my own, eyes not as bright as usual and lips slightly turned down at the sides, neither of us wanting the night to end quite yet._

"_Don't forget me when your band gets all rich and famous, alright?" I say in hopes of getting a smile from him. It works._

"_What makes you think that'll happen? You've never even heard us."_

_I shrug, "Because you're you." My cheeks redden, realizing how lame I sounded._

_His smile widens. "Come here," he says with his arms open. _

_Without hesitation, I wrap my arms around his neck, his own enclosing just above my waist. I try to memorize his scent, not knowing when I might see him again, despite the fact that we exchanged phone numbers. I knew how crazy it could get, the summer after senior year. Everyone will be busy preparing for college and finally starting their own lives. I imprint the feel of his arms wrapped around me into my mind, along with the soft, still damp texture of his hair._

"_I don't think I could ever forget you, Tegan," he whispers a few moments later, his lips close to my ear. "…Even if I wanted to."_

"_Hey!" I laugh, pulling away to glare at him._

_Kendall smiles, still greatly entertained by teasing me. "Besides, you have my clothes and as much as I like seeing them on and _off _of you, I'm going to need those back sooner or later."_

_I slap his shoulder lightly, the blush returning to my cheeks. "Shut up!" _

"_I'm kidding!" he laughs. He places a gentle kiss on my lips the releases his hold on me with a sigh. "See you later, Tegan."_

"_Bye, Kendall."_

We talked for weeks after that night, constantly calling and emailing each other. Though, as I had predicted, we saw little of each other face to face, with him focusing on his band, which then turned into him auditioning for TV shows, and while I directed all my attention towards college preparation and working. Soon our contact was sparse, then nothing. It was like Kendall had dropped off the face of the planet. He changed his number, my emails were never returned. I didn't feel whole for a long time after that. Even though I had only known him for a short amount of time, he meant a lot to me, more than any person ever had.

Years passed, and I eventually got over it. I became so engrossed in my courses that I stopped wondering where he was, but he was still there in the back of my mind. Then I got offered this internship. It was perfect, everything I needed to build a resume that could potentially land me great jobs, plus it was paid.

_Waiting anxiously in the small room for Bret to return with the four men I would be essentially catering to for two and a half months, I pull on the elastic band around my wrist, the material slapping against the skin quietly. I had a slight clue who Big Time Rush were, having heard one of their songs on the radio, but I had no idea as to what they looked like. The door opens suddenly and I quickly stand. My heart races as I realize that Bret isn't with them, but is somewhat calmed by the warm smile on the first guy's face._

_He stands at only an inch or two taller than me, with almost black hair and slightly tanned skin. "Hi, I'm Carlos," he introduces himself. My eyes keep switching from his gorgeous dark brown ones to his beaming smile. I take his outstretched hand in my own, shaking it while returning his smile._

"_Tegan," I say loud enough for the rest of them to hear._

_A voice chimes in from beside Carlos, the accent difficult to place as he says, "What a pretty name for a pretty lady." My eyes land on the speaker and if he wasn't so attractive I probably would've rolled my eyes at his previous comment. A smirk tugs on his lips, revealing dimples in both of his cheeks._

"_Thanks," I reply softly, shaking his hand._

_He smiles brightly and his dimples deepen, showing off a row of perfectly straight, white teeth. "I'm Logan." He's around the same height as Carlos, if only a couple inches taller. His dark brown hair is shorter on the sides and spiked up at the top of his head. _

"_You're going to want to stay away from this one," the last guy in the room warns as he drapes an arm over Logan's shoulders. They banter for a moment and only then do I realize that he was only kidding. This one is considerably taller than the other two, with long brown hair swept to the side just above his eyebrows and a face that was almost too faultless to believe was real, let alone that it belonged to a man._

_He pushes Logan away playfully then smiles down at me, his face brightening instantly. "I'm James."_

_I shake his hand just as I had done with the others, my eyes still tracing over every facial feature. Was it possible to have this many good looking guys in one band?_

"_Wait, isn't there supposed to be another one of ya'll?" I ask suddenly, noticing the lack of the fourth member._

"_Oh yeah." Carlos looks around the room. "Where's Ken-"_

"_I'm here!" _

_My heart drops at the voice. It couldn't be. I look past James as the body walking into the room and swallow hard. It was him. But how?_

"_Did you get lost or something, dude?" one of the guys teases, but I'm too focused on Kendall to distinguish who._

_He looks exactly the same as he did five years ago. The only differences being the length of his hair and the very slight changes age brought. Five years, I haven't seen him or talked to him in _five_ years and here he was, right in front of me. My heart starts to race and for a second I'm not sure if I want him to remember me or not. _

_His eyes land on mine and all the memories that I had pushed away come flooding back. It's like no time has passed, like I hadn't spent all those years trying to forget him. He has to remember, I need him to remember. I can finally have him back, my Kendall. _

_I search for any sign of recognition in his eyes and my heart crumbles when it never comes. He turns to the guys for a second and I can make out the faint mark of dark lipstick on his jaw. When he looks back at me, that familiar smirk is on his lips, but any hope that the Kendall I once knew and that once knew me is still there disappears as he says, "My name's Kendall, and who do I have the pleasure of meeting?"_

I don't want the memories anymore. I wish it hadn't of been such a big deal. I wish he wouldn't have grown so important to me. I wish that I would've just had him drive me home. I wish that day I met the guys three weeks ago really was the first time I met him.

I wish I could forget it all, just like he had.

* * *

><p>Okay so officially done with flashbacks, I think. Haha. From now on the guys are going to be more involved in the story, so hang in there, I just had to get the backstory established. Again, I apologize for the wait. No excuses, I just had a super difficult time writing this chapter. Anyway, I hope you liked it. (:<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

This is the same day as the last chapter, I'm not sure if that'll be easy to figure out at the beginning or not. Haha. But yeah, I was super stoked about writing this one. Oh, and, I'm aware that on both Kendall and Logan's and Carlos and James' busses that there are more people than just them, but for the purpose of this story they're alone. It's kinda pointless for me to incorporate a whole bunch of other characters that are unnecessary to the plotline. Though I might throw Dustin in in the future, who knows. Haha. Anyway, enjoy!

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><p>It surprises me how quickly Kendall and Logan's bus turns into a pig sty. Well, actually it doesn't, considering how much of a slob Kendall is. But still, when I came to make sure they were up this morning it was considerably clean, unlike the state it was in now. Thankfully, it was mostly just clothes scattered everywhere. Who knew what those guys could come up with if given longer than a six hour period?<p>

I shuffled through the piles of clothes in search of Logan's hat, one that was only supposed to be worn on stage. Sometimes I wonder if he and Kendall are trying to make my day harder, with all the girls and alcohol and now, blatant rule breaking. I sigh, coming up empty-handed for the front of the bus and move on to the bunk area. I step on something that slips out from under my foot and sends me falling backward. Landing hard on the floor, I groan. If they would just pick up their shit… I look to where the object had skidded across the floor and see that it's a notebook. When I pick it up a small square piece of paper falls out.

I grab it to get a closer look and my eyes widen. "What the…"

I hold the paper between my fingers, my mind slowly processing what was printed on it. A girl sitting on the edge of a dock, smiling brightly at the camera. It was… me. I'm positive it was cut out from my school's yearbook, senior year. It doesn't make any sense. The picture had to be Kendall's, because there isn't any way Logan would've been able to get his hands on it. But if it was Kendall's, that meant he remembered me, and if he remembered me then he has been pretending this whole entire time. That fucking…

"How long does it take to find a- …Where did you get that?"

My blood is boiling with anger by now and the dumbfounded look on his face only makes it worse. How long was he planning on keeping this from me? Was it some kind of sick joke? To pretend I never existed prior to joining this tour? How could he do this to me?

I push myself up to my feet. "What this? This picture of _me_? Cause I would like to ask you the same goddamn question," I spit, the hand not holding the picture balling up into a fist.

He sighs, defeated. "Look, Tegan-"

"No, you look, Kendall! _You _stopped talking to _me_! You dropped off the face of the planet and didn't look back! You spewed all this shit about how much you cared about me and how important I was to you and then out of nowhere you stopped! You left me believing that I had done something wrong, that I was the reason why our relationship ended!" I couldn't stop the words from flowing out, all of my emotions that have been bottled up for years finally surfacing.

He's practically begging, "Tegan, just-"

"And then I get here and you act like you've never even met me before? Like those weeks we spent talking were nothing! But that was just a big pile of shit, wasn't it? Because now I find out that you do remember, Kendall. You've been an asshole towards me this whole time while being well aware of who I was!"

His expression changes from one of remorse to one of anger, his eyebrows knitting together and eyes narrowing. "It's not like you brought up our past either!" he says sternly, his voice rising to match the volume of mine.

"God, you're so aggravating! Get this through your head, Kendall; _I _am _not_ the one who ended it! You are! I thought you had forgotten so of course I wasn't going to bring it up!"

"It was only a month, Tegan! Why is this such a big deal to you?"

My jaw clenches. Why was it so hard for him to understand? "We had _sex_, Kendall! More than once! And I know that that kinda shit doesn't mean anything to you, but it does to me! I don't go around giving it away to anyone!" I run a shaky hand through my hair and turn away from him, inhaling deeply. "This picture proves that I meant something to you, Kendall," I say softer. "So why are you being such a fucking asshole to me? Why did you stop talking to me that summer? What did I _ever_ do to you?"

When I face him again it's hard to tell what he's thinking, his expression completely blank. I wait for him to answer, but nothing comes out and I let out a frustrated groan. I swallow the lump in my throat as tears sting behind my eyes. No way was Kendall going to see me cry.

"Forget it," I sigh, ready to give up. "Just keep pretending nothing happened between us. I've lost you twice before, I can deal with one more. Goodbye, Kendall. " I try to push my way past him, but he catches my arm, his hand wrapping around my wrist. "Let go of me," I choke out, my throat tightening up as I blink back tears.

Kendall holds me at arms-length, his strength greatly surpassing mine and holding me still despite my struggles to get free. "Tegan, listen-"

"What? I can't do this, Kendall. How am I supposed to believe anything you say? Don't you understand?" I can't hold it any longer and the tears finally spill over. "You broke my heart and I wasn't even in love with you."

His face drops, and the look in his eyes is something I haven't seen in years. That look so full of intensity that it used to make my stomach flip. "Don't say that. You can't stand there and say that you weren't falling for me."

Pulling out of his now loosened grip, I wipe the tears from my face with the back of my hands angrily. "You don't make any sense! You were just asking why this meant so much to me and now you fucking care?"

"You can't say that because I was falling for _you_, Tegan, and you know damn well the feeling was mutual."

His words come as such a shock that I don't notice that he'd ignored what I said. "Kendall, don't-"

"Would you just fucking listen to me?" he asks exasperatedly, tugging at his hair.

"I don't want to listen to you! You're not who you were when we were kids, Kendall!-"

"Shut up!" he yells. "Stop fucking interrupting and listen to me! You don't think I know I'm not that guy anymore? I'm not stupid, Tegan! I know that I fucked up and you have every right to hate me for it." He pauses, exhaling heavily and pushes his hair back from his forehead. "I was just… I was scared, okay? I was scared and I was rushed. My life was moving so fast at that point I didn't have any time to stop and look around. I didn't have the time to build the kind of relationship you deserve. Fuck, we saw each other, what? Four times? I couldn't deal with that. I was falling so hard for you that phone conversations and emails weren't enough anymore. I wanted to see you and hold you and touch you." He places his hands on my shoulders again and this time I don't fight him. "And that scared the shit out of me; how you, some girl I met at a party, made me feel like nothing mattered unless I was with you..." He pauses, his eyes searching my face. "I was trying to get my career started, Tegan. I didn't have time for a relationship and that's what I wanted from you."

"But you didn't even say goodbye," I whisper, my voice cracking. "You could've said something, anything that would've made it so I didn't feel like complete shit."

"I know, and for that I'm sorry." Kendall cups my face in his hands, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. "I didn't want to hurt you, Tegan, I really didn't. I figured that if I just stopped you would forget about me and move on, to someone who could give you the attention you deserve. Then when you showed up here… I didn't know what to do, so I pretended that I didn't know you, but that's only because I had hoped you'd forgotten about me. I know that's a bullshit excuse, but Tegan, _ugh_ sometimes it's so hard to think straight around you."

"Kendall," I draw out his name out, unsure of what to say.

Kendall smirks. "Not everything requires words, Tegan," he coos softly and less than a second later his lips are on mine. I know I should push him off, not allow it because just an apology wasn't enough to fix how he had acted toward me, but his lips are so soft and they remind me of all the fond memories we shared that I can't bring myself to do it. I melt into him, placing my hands on his chest lightly. My arms become squished between us when he takes a step forward, pressing out bodies together, his lips moving in perfect synch with mine. I clasp my hands, balling the fabric of his shirt into my palms and tugging him even closer.

It was as if no one but us existed and nothing mattered. All the pain and hurt he caused me disappearing with the mere touch of his lips. It's worse than when we were younger, the feeling that came along with this expression of affection. It is strong and overwhelming and _not _supposed to happen. Not like this, not right now. I release my hold on him and take a step back, breathing heavily from the lack of oxygen as well as all the thoughts running through my mind.

"Kendall, I-I can't," I murmur. The pain that falls over his face makes me want to forget everything bad and kiss him over and over. "I'm sorry. You understand though, right? It's just a lot to process and I don't really know if I like _this_ Kendall…" My heart breaks while saying the words though I'm not sure why because a few minutes ago I wouldn't have had any problems with getting them out. "Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it, sorry," he sighs and drops his arms to his sides. "I don't expect you to forgive me overnight… Just know that I'm going to change, Tegan. I have a second chance with you now and I don't plan on blowing it."

I nod, still a little flustered about everything.

"I mean, that is if you want to give me a second chance," he adds quickly, his eyes full of worry.

I nod again without a second's hesitation. I don't know if it was because he explained himself and apologized or if it was the after effects of the kiss, all I knew was that I went from not wanting anything to do with him to needing him in my life again in a matter of minutes.

"Great, okay," he breathes out, full of relief. "Fuck, we're gonna get yelled at," Kendall says after glancing up at the clock.

And Bret _just_ praised me earlier today about how efficient I was. Spending 25 minutes looking for a hat is _not_ something that would classify as efficient.

"Right, uhm, do you uh know where Logan's hat is?" I ask while biting on my lip nervously. It was weird talking to him normally again. Usually, when I wasn't relaying instructions to him, we mostly just threw insults and dirty looks back and forth.

The corners of his mouth turn up in a small smile. He reaches behind me and pulls a black hat from the top bunk. I smile a thank you, but when I reach for it he pulls it away.

"I'll take it back and make something up so that you won't get in trouble with Bret since it's kinda my fault why this took so long. You're supposed to be off now anyway, right?"

He actually knows what time I get off work? "Yeah. You sure? It's no big deal, I can do it," I offer out of politeness more than anything. Spending the rest of the night alone with my thoughts in my bunk was exactly what I needed after all of this.

"No, really it's fine."

"Alright, thanks… You should probably hurry. I'm sure everyone's freaking ou-" I'm interrupted by Kendall's phone blaring some generic ringtone.

He pulls it out and chuckles lightly. "Looks like you're right, it's Carlos." He ignores the call, slipping the device back into his pocket. "I'll see you later," he says while walking backwards toward the front of the bus. "Bye, Tegan!"

"Bye!"

My phone vibrates in my pocket before I can even begin to process what just happened. I shake my head at the caller I.D. "Kendall's on his way, Carlos," I say into the receiver. "And he has Logan's hat." After locking up the bus, I start the short walk to my own, grateful that the fans waiting outside are too distracted by Kendall to notice me.

"Good," he sighs then relays the information to someone else. "Wait. Were you guys together? Alone?"

"Uh, yeah," I reply distractedly, twisting the key in the slot to unlock the bus I shared with a few other crew members.

"And?" he pries.

"And nothing. He helped me find Logan's hat. Their bus looks like a fucking tornado hit, in case you didn't know." I plop down on the couch, stretching my legs out in front of me and leaning back onto the cushions. Being only an intern I got less hours than everyone else, which also meant that from six to nine I had to bus all to myself.

"He helped you? Why would he do that?"

"I don't know. You know, you're not very good at listening. Do you not remember me asking you to drop it earlier today?" It wasn't that I didn't want him to know. I just didn't feel like explaining something that I didn't really understand myself. Everything that Kendall had said to me was so unexpected, I was still in shock.

"Yeah well, you were lying," he states blandly.

"What?" I cough, caught completely off-guard that he figured that out.

"James and I aren't stupid, Tegan. We both have girlfriends; we can tell when something means more than what you're leading on, for the most part."

"Yeah, well…" I sigh.

"Well what? What happened? Did he say anything?"

"Aren't you supposed to be getting ready for your show?"

"Tegan," he warns and it reminds me of the way a parent would talk to their child when they knew they we're hiding something. Shit, if I knew telling him and James would lead to this much interrogation, I don't think I ever would've done it.

"We just talked and fought and…" Kissed.

"And?"

"Nothing, Carlos." Giving in, I say, "Look, I'll explain to you later because I'm sure that James will want to know too and I'd rather not go through this twice."

"_Fine_," he whines. "Can I ask Kendall?"

"No!" I say loudly, my whole body shooting up into a sitting position. "Please don't, I don't think he knows that I've even talked to ya'll about him."

"Ugh, fine. You're no fun, Tegan."

"Shut up. Technically, you have to listen to what I tell you to do, so go get ready for the show."

Carlos laughs, apparently my authoritative tone wasn't as convincing as I thought. "Yes, ma'am!"

Joining in on his laughter, I reply, "Bye, Carlos. Kick some ass out there."

"Always do. Bye!"

I drop my phone onto the ground and begin to relay mine and Kendall's conversation, if it could even be called that considering the amount of yelling. I finally knew why he stopped talking to me all those years ago and why he pretended not to know me. His justifications were solid and I believed him, so why do I feel like I could puke? And that kiss. The kiss that made me forget why I ever hated him and left me wanting more. That was bad. What he did isn't supposed to be resolved with one kiss, or any kisses for the matter.

I groan and push myself up off the couch, trudging back to climb into my bunk. Everything is just so much more confusing than it needs to be, I don't know what to think.


	6. Chapter 6

"I'm sorry for waking you guys early, but if you want to hear about Kendall and I, you're going to have to get up." James turns away from the light flooding into his now uncovered bunk while Carlos only groans, covering his face with his hands. "Come on, lazy bones," I urge him. I try tugging on his arm but he tenses, his muscles hardening and making it near impossible to move them. "You were the one who was bugging me about this whole thing in the first place." He turns away like James had. "You guuuys."

"Five more minutes," James yawns.

"You're too much of a morning person, Teige," Carlos complains, his voice deep with sleep.

I wasn't really, but the whole Kendall thing still had me rattled. Sleep hadn't done any good; it only made me question everything more. All I wanted was for someone to tell me what to do. My positive mood was just a façade, a way to hide my anxiety so that it didn't drive me crazy like it had last night.

Much to both of the guys' favor, the feeling of large paws scratching at my waist distracts me. I smile down at the dog almost half my size, holding her head between my hands and scratching behind her ears. "Hey, Sydney."

Fox pads over to join her, sitting at my feet. "You can help me wake your daddy up." I pick up the smaller dog, soft laughs bubbling from my lips as he licks my neck. "Okay, now just do that to James," I say and place him into James' bunk.

No matter how tired or grumpy James was, he could never deny his dog. As I hoped, he starts chuckling as Fox licks his face. It's easier to wake Carlos once James is fully awake and out of his bunk. James simply landing what sounded like a painful punch on Carlos' arm.

I start to explain everything to them in the back lounge, both of them nodding when appropriate and looking genuinely interested. When I tell them how much it hurt to think I had lost Kendall twice, once during that summer and again when we were reunited, Carlos places a reassuring hand on my knee.

I take a deep breath in, collecting myself and pushing back the emotions that threatened to break through. "Then yesterday, while I was looking for Logan's hat I found this picture that he has of me."

Confusion washes over both their faces and Carlos says, "A picture… so he never forgot?"

I shake my head. "No. As I was looking at it he came in and we started arguing, well actually I yelled at him more than anything." Carlos chuckles while a smirk tugs at James' lips. "Basically I just asked him why he had stopped talking to me and why he pretended not to know me. I think I called him an asshole a few times too," I add and this time they both laugh.

"Anyway, I uh- I told him that he broke my heart then he said something about falling for me and that the only reason why he stopped was because he wanted something more with me but we were both too busy to make that happen and he hoped that I had moved on or something so that's why he treated me like a stranger and-"

"Woah, slow down," Carlos instructs. I'm sure he can sense the embarrassment in my rushed explanation.

I snap the hairband around my wrist against my skin twice before starting again, "And then he kissed me…"

"Did you kiss him back?" James asks suddenly.

"What? I uh… I-… Well I mean I- yeah," I stammer. James nods as if calculating something.

"What happened after that?" Carlos presses.

"Uhm," I begin warily, still confused about James' actions. "He asked for a second chance, said that he would change, and I gave it to him... Uh, that's it."

James speaks up again, "You gave him a second chance, just like that?"

"Y-yeah, I guess." James' eyes scan my face. I grow almost uncomfortable under his hard gaze. "Why are you acting so weird?"

"You were in love with him all those years ago, weren't you?" he asks suspiciously.

"What?" I cough, my eyes wide. "No! Why would you think- How- We weren't even- No, _no_. I wasn't."

"Tegan, the whole time we've been on tour all you've said is how much you _hate_ Kendall, how much you can't stand him. And now, you've forgiven him, after only talking to him once."

"I haven't forgiven him," I stubbornly argue.

"But you're going to," he states as if it was fact. "Think about it, Tegan. You even said it yourself, he broke your heart."

"That doesn't mean-"

"If it was anyone else, you wouldn't have cared as much. You wouldn't have put up with it, no matter how much they apologized and made excuses. I know enough about you to know that you would've told them to fuck off and moved on. You were _in love_ with him and that's why it hurt so much to lose him. That's why you were so quick to place all this hate on him, because you loved him and he hurt you and you thought that putting up a wall would prevent that from happening again. You fell for him, Tegan, just like he said he was falling for you."

"I didn't… We weren't even dating, James."

"Only because you guys never put a label on your relationship. You and Kendall were more than just friends; you guys had sex every time you met up! You wouldn't do that with just anyone."

"He has a point, Tegan," Carlos comments, his voice startling me a bit.

"No, stop," I object as sternly as I can with all the whirling thoughts consuming my mind. "I don't- I didn't love him. I didn't."

"Do you want to forgive him?"

I want to say no, because he's acting like he knows me so well and the fact that he actually does is fucking annoying.

"And don't say no because you don't like what I'm saying," he adds quickly. "Just answer the question."

"…I do," I admit reluctantly after a minute, resisting the urge to glare at him for calling me out. "I want to."

"And what's holding you back?" He knows the answer, yet he waits for me to respond anyway.

"I don't want to get hurt again," I admit softly.

"But even though you're afraid of getting hurt you still gave him a second chance. And that's because you want him back in your life. You'd rather have him in your life and risk the chance of getting hurt than live without him. You _love_ him, Tegan."

I stand up quickly. "I need to go," I announce. James' psychoanalyzing was starting to go a little too far. All I wanted from them was simple advice, should I give Kendall a second chance or no, and instead I get a lecture.

"I know it's not what you want to hear now, Tegan, but once you stop being so stubborn about denying it you'll understand."

"Sure, whatever," I mutter. "I'll see ya'll later. Be ready by 11:30." Eager to get away from their scrutiny, I rush out of the bus, tossing their key for the hotel room onto the table and yelling the room number back at them.

I didn't want to believe any of it. They were wrong. I don't love Kendall, I never did. He was just someone that I talked to, someone that I enjoyed spending time with. We didn't go on romantic dates with candles where we gazed in each other's eyes throughout the whole night. We went grocery shopping at Whole Foods and ended up having sex instead of baking homemade organic oatmeal cookies. We went to concerts and smoked weed rather than cuddling together and watching sappy movies like 'The Notebook'. And we definitely didn't say we loved each other. We were best friends who occasionally had sex, nothing more, nothing less.

Frankly, love is bullshit. The class A example being that when Kendall felt he was "falling" for me, he backed out. It doesn't last, it's never enough, _so _many things could go wrong. Love is just a waste of time, and definitely not worth it. Sure, I cared about Kendall. I cared a lot, but that doesn't mean I loved him.

I should've woken Logan and Kendall up first. Thanks to James, the last thing I wanted was to have to talk to _him._

I'm about to open the door to their bus when it comes flying open, practically hitting me in the face. "Thanks for that," I call to them, words laced with sarcasm.

A tall brunette woman steps out, almost dropping her armful of belongings as she fumbles to pull one of her boots up. "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry!" She rushes off to the cab I hadn't noticed was parked across the street.

A small part of me hopes that she was with Kendall last night as opposed to Logan. That way I could keep my 'wall' up, or whatever the fuck James said. I wouldn't have to deal with possible disappointment from Kendall in the future.

Exhaling heavily, I rake my fingers through my hair before stepping into the vehicle. Underestimating the space between steps, my foot slips, sending my body plunging forward. I catch myself, having learned from years of clumsiness to straighten my arms out in front of me to break the fall.

I groan and pull myself up. Thankfully the only damage being light scratches on the palms of my hands.

"Tegan, I know you're falling for me, but you don't literally have to _fall_ for me."

"Shut it, Henderson," I say through gritted teeth, angry that someone had witnessed my fall. He laughs, his bare shoulders shaking. I'm used to it now, seeing as more than half of the time Logan sleeps without a shirt, and with a member of the opposite sex.

"But seriously, you alright?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine…" I answer slowly, surprised that he cared enough to ask.

Kendall calls my name from somewhere deeper in the bus. Grateful for the escape, I follow his voice back to the bathroom where he's drying his mouth with a dark red hand towel.

"Ya'll are actually up," I tease lightly.

I had to push past the awkwardness and nervousness that overrode my body, the only way this situation between us was going to progress is if act like he's _my _Kendall. Even though he isn't anymore, and there is a 50% chance that that girl was with him last night. The Kendall that I knew, and didn't love if I may add, had to be in there somewhere. Right?

He laughs. "Yeah, Logan's… guest started freaking out, late to a meeting or something," he says in such a casual manner that my stomach churns a little.

"You act like that happens a lot," I remark without thinking, my professional censor definitely off the rocks this morning. Kendall's face drops, noting the sting behind my words. "Don't say anything," I say quickly, causing his open mouth to close. "Sorry."

"Tegan, I-"

"Really, it's okay. I get it," I assure him.

"Are you ever going to stop interrupting me?" he asks after a minute of analyzing my face. He exits the small room, moving to the opposite side of the hall to lean against the counter in front of me. If it wasn't for the faint smile on his lips I would've taken his question harshly.

"Maybe when you start saying things I actually want to hear."

He crosses his arms in front of his chest, his smile fading. "How do you know if you want to hear it or not if you're just going to cut me off?"

"Because you're always apologizing," I explain, my tone slightly harsher than I wanted it to be, "and I'm tired of hearing your apologies and excuses."

He raises a hand to run through his hair, closes his eyes for a brief moment then replies, "I thought you were giving me a second chance, letting me make up for it?"

I sigh heavily. "I am, I am," I say as a reassurance to him as well as a reminder to myself. "It's just…" I gaze down at my shoes, unable to look at his crestfallen expression. "Never mind."

"No," he insists, "tell me." He takes a step forward and the pull to look up is strong, but I push it away, knowing that as soon as I did I wouldn't be able to stop myself from spilling everything.

"It's nothing, Kendall."

"You used to be able to talk to me."

I break, hearing the sadness hidden behind his words so expertly that I'm sure only a few people could detect.

"It's just hard," I start, finally meeting his eyes. "As much as I would love to give you a clean slate, I can't and that makes it hard because I keep thinking about my Kendall and how you're not him. And how everything you did and everything you _do_ makes me so _angry._"

He takes another step closer, the corner of his mouth turning up in that infamous smirk while he raises one of his eyebrows. "Did you just call me your Kendall?"

My cheeks warm up as I blink. How could I let that slip? "…N-no."

His dimples come into view as he breaks into a smile. "Yes you did."

"Whatever, Kendall," I dismiss. "I wasn't even talking about you anyway, I meant the old you."

He returns to his previous position against the counter, all traces of amusement gone now, his eyes more narrow than before. "I'm sure you're not the same person you were back then either, Tegan. People grow up, they change, but that doesn't mean that they're so different from who they were that they're a completely new person."

"Prove it then. Prove to me that you're not the person I think you are."

Closing the space between us again, Kendall places his hands on my shoulders. "That's what I'm trying to do, Tegan! But if you're so hell bent on believing that I'm this horrible person, then this isn't going to work. You seem to forget that the 'old' me is the one who hurt you in the first place. I was never perfect, and I'm still not. But you have to open up to me again for this to work. You _have_ to give me a chance."

I stay silent, letting his words sink in. He deserved it. I can sense how much he wants it, how badly he wants me to forgive him. James was right when he said that I would risk getting hurt to have Kendall in my life, because right now, at times like this I know that he does care about me. And having Kendall Schmidt care about you is one of the best feelings in the world.

"I know," I say finally, "I'm sorry. It's just-"

"It's hard, I know. No one said it would be easy. Just take this chance, Tegan. You still do that right, take chances? Or was that just the _old_ Tegan?" He jokes, the smirk reappearing.

"You're dumb," I say quietly, pulling my lip between my teeth to keep from smiling.

His eyes light up in the same way that I'm sure mine have with the return of our banter.

"Funny, I vaguely remember you saying that to the _old_ Kendall from time to time."

"Okay! I get it," I smile.

"Can I get a hug? Or is that only something the _old_ Kendall got to-"

"Kendall, shut up!" I say with a laugh before rising to the tips of my toes and throwing my arms around his neck. He loops his around my waist then pulls me into him, hugging me tightly. I rest my chin on his shoulder, inhaling the same scent that he carried when we were teenagers.

Maybe this Kendall wasn't that bad after all.

"I'm still me, Tegan," he whispers next to my ear.

I lower myself down onto my heels and pull away from him just enough so that I can trail my eyes over his face. His green eyes stare down into mine with the same level of intensity that they held whenever we talked about something serious, his lips hold the same faint smile they did when he was genuine about what was being said, and his eyebrows slightly arched in the way they always were when he was waiting for me to speak. I twist my fingers in the hairs nape of his neck absentmindedly.

Nodding, I respond just as quietly, "I know."

"Woah, Kendall! I called dibs on Tegan, remember?" Logan says, making his presence known.

I pull out of the embrace, but Kendall keeps an arm tightly secure around my waist. A blush rises to my cheeks as I wonder if Logan had witnessed our whole conversation.

Kendall laughs, "Sorry, man, beat you to it."

"Damn," Logan mutters under his breath.

"Kendall!" I hit his chest and he rubs his hand over it even though I know it didn't hurt.

"I'm kidding!" He grins down at me then looks over to Logan again. "I had dibs back in '08 though, dude. You're outta luck."

Logan's jaw goes slack. "What?"

Rolling my eyes lightheartedly, I step out of Kendall's hold and place the hotel room key in his palm. "I'll let ya'll discuss this. You're in room 304 with the other guys, be ready by 11:30. And no one has "dibs" on me, alright?" I clarify.

Kendall grabs hold of my wrist before I can walk away. "Wait."

"Yeah?"

"Will you watch the show tonight?" he asks hopefully.

"Kendall… I don't know." I start walking towards the front of the bus, Kendall moving in step beside me. "I see ya'll every day, I wouldn't feel right taking a seat that could go to someone else."

He smiles and shakes his head.

I stop. "What?"

"Nothing," he says but continues to shake his head, his smile widening.

"Tell me," I whine, unable to stop myself from smiling.

"Nothing! You're just sweet, that's all." The blush returns to my cheeks. "Please come though, Tegan. I would really appreciate it if you did. It's only one show."

I can't deny the look on his face, and plus it'd be fun to finally see the boys doing what they do best. "Fine, but if Bret gets mad at me for giving him such a short notice, I'm blaming you."

Kendall only shrugs, glad that I agreed to go. "Go ahead."

I smile and reach for the door. "See you later, Kendall."

"See ya."

* * *

><p>I'm glad to see that you guys are enjoying this story. Comments and reviews are greatly appreciated. :)<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Gosh, I suck at this. Sorry again about the super super suuuper long wait. Hopefully I'll get better at updating. Anyway, the tour they're on in this isn't anything official like in real life. Haha. It's not supposed to be the Better With You Tour or this upcoming Summer Tour, but a lot of what's done is stuff that I've seen from videos of the BWYT, like the stage and the whole Cover Girl thing, so yeah, other than that I just kinda ran with it. Hope you enjoy. (:

* * *

><p>When the boys finally make their appearance on the stage, coming into view from behind the giant rising screen, the crowd goes insane. High pitched screams surround me; as well as yells from girls proclaiming their love for their favorite member. The young girl sitting next to me tugs on my arm then points at the stage, her huge blue eyes sparkling just as brightly as her beaming smile, despite the lack of one of her front teeth.<p>

Before the show started, I learned that Hannah was the _biggest_ Rusher _ever, _from her own words of course, but I didn't doubt it. She was decked out in Big Time Rush gear, from the black homemade headband covered in the BTR logo holding her brown curls away from her face, to the faces of all four boys plastered over the surface of her small white converse. For the first fifteen minutes after I found my seat in the arena, Hannah went on and on about how Logan, her favorite, had given her a kiss on the cheek during her meet and greet. Her mother finally stopped her, worried that I would grow annoyed. It wasn't annoying in the slightest though, hearing about how much the boys meant to their fans, especially seven year old ones like Hannah, was one of the things I loved most about my job. Even though I knew the side of Big Time Rush that was never shown in the media wasn't perfect, like most of the younger fans thought.

The first note drops and as soon as Kendall starts singing I can't fight the smile that breaks onto my face. He'd come so far, all of them had, but Kendall… I knew how badly he wanted all of this since the beginning. The stage, the lights, the music, the _fans_, this is what he wished for, this was his dream. This is what he talked about whenever we got to discussing what we each wanted to do with our futures. Sure he's been doing this for a few years, but seeing him on the stage that's when it finally sunk in.

Kendall made it, just like I knew he would.

The screaming dies down at little throughout the first couple of songs, replaced with loud singing from almost every member of the audience, apart from me. The girls who noticed I didn't know the majority of the lyrics sent death glares my way, making me thankful that Kendall had convinced me to go for the seat open in the front row. Each of the boys made an effort to smile down at me whenever their chorography permitted, Kendall throwing in a few winks as well, which I rebutted with a friendly roll of the eyes, while the girls within a two foot radius of me were practically sent into epileptic shock thinking that they were the ones the gesture was aimed toward. I didn't blame them, if I was in their position I probably would've reacted the same way.

The beginning chords of Cover Girl start and I immediately realize the reason why Kendall encouraged me to take this particular seat rather than the one a few rows back on the opposite end of the arena. Logan, Carlos, and James all spread out across the stage, making their way toward the respective parts of the crowd, while Kendall heads straight forward. This is his section. He put me in his section.

That sneaky bastard. I should've known he'd do this.

I almost have to strain to pick out his voice over the screams that are louder than they have been all night. He stops beside the two girls that separate me from the aisle, the two who have also been the biggest glare-givers, obviously disapproving that I wasn't much of a "dedicated" fan. They also didn't care much for my outfit and hadn't even tried to hide their rude remarks about me dressing like a "whore", though I'd say my high-waisted skirt and bustier top coupled with a short blazer covered more skin than their cutoff shirts and short shorts, not that I cared.

Kendall sings the first to lines of his verse to them, hugging each of them into his side before moving on down the aisle. Though I'm relieved that he didn't try to get to me, my stomach drops a little at the fact that he didn't even so much as glance my way. Whatever. These other girls deserve his attention more than I do, this was more than likely a once in a lifetime thing for them.

I rise up to my tiptoes and locate James in the sea of heads, serenading a frizzy haired girl who looked about fourteen. The smile that disappeared along with Kendall comes back effortlessly and brightens even more when I turn around to see Carlos singing into someone's camera while Logan huggs tightly onto a fan.

My gazed moves down to Hannah as she holds the same position as me, stretching as far as she could in attempt to see past the girls that easily tower over her in height. I think for a second before bending down next to her.

"Do you want to see Kendall?" I ask in her ear loud enough so that she could hear me.

She nods vigorously. I lift her small frame up onto my chair, giving her a good two inch height advantage over most of the crowd.

The bridge of the song begins and Kendall makes his way back toward the front. When he reaches my row his eyes finally lock with mine, he arches an eyebrow then reaches his hand out toward me. My heart pounds in my chest as I shake my head quickly, my eyes wide. He tilts his head to the side and I can practically hear his voice saying, "c'mon, Tegan".

Fiiine.

I grab his hand, but before he can pull me toward him I wrap my other arm around Hannah's waist and rest her on my hip. Kendall smiles while watching me walk closer to him. He takes Hannah and starts to sing the chorus right to her, sneaking a kiss onto her cheek between lyrics which causes her whole face to light up. My thundering heart slows watching the sweet exchange between the two of them.

As if he was making sure I knew that he didn't forget about me, Kendall places Hannah on the floor then slings an arm around my waist, his fingers hot on the small peek of midriff over my skirt, and pulls me close. Extremely close. Much closer than necessary. I swallow hard, growing slightly nervous of his boldness. He smiles down at me and everything melts away. The feeling of the hundreds of eyes on me fades as I get lost in this one pair of green ones.

His face is only a few inches from mine as his angelic voice slips past his lips, "_You're the only one that rocks my world, my cover girl._"

Under any other circumstance, I would think that Kendall serenading me was the lamest, most cheesy thing, especially this song, but he gained some major brownie points for the way he handled Hannah and he looked so damn _good_. He continues to sing the rest of the chorus to me and for the first time in years Kendall has me blushing again.

Kendall's smirk breaks me out of my trance and I start to pull away from him gently. Unbothered by this, he releases his hold on me, moving his hand up to point to his check and leaning over slightly, still singing flawlessly through the smug smirk on his face.

"Wow," I mouth to him, shaking my head and crossing my arms, though the large smile that spreads across my lips probably doesn't help my attempt to deny him.

He taps his cheek three times then raises his eyebrows. Giving in, I make sure to roll my eyes dramatically just for him before stretching up to place a kiss on his waiting cheek. With a satisfied smile, he finally returns to the stage.

Oh, those girls are definitely going to hate me now.

* * *

><p>"Ya'll did amazing, I mean seriously, absolutely incredible," I gush as the boys enter the room Kendall told me to wait for them in, downing bottles of water and wiping sweat from their faces with small white towels.<p>

"Aw, thanks, Teige," Carlos smiles.

Logan slumps into the chair across from me then tosses his empty water bottle in the general direction of the trash can, tiredly groaning when it bounces off the side.

"I think that was one of the most energetic crowds we've had to date. I am beat," James says as he takes the spot next to me on the small black sofa and leans his head back against the wall, letting his eyes close.

"Same here. Those girls were fucking _insane_," Logan adds, propping his feet up on the coffee table.

"That's for sure. You think Bret will reimburse me if I have to invest in hearing aids?" I joke and they all laugh.

Carlos stands from his chair next to Logan's. "I'm gonna call Sam real quick," he announces before leaving, stopping to pick up Logan's bottle and toss it into the recycling bin.

"So, you glad you came, Tegan?" Kendall asks, stretching over the arms of the chair Carlos abandoned.

"Don't act like you don't already know," I smile, my nerves still wired and making my mood that much better. Kendall shrugs, feigning ignorance. "Yes…I…" He lifts his black tank top to wipe his brow, completely ignoring the towel on the coffee table, and in turn making it hard for me to form a complete sentence. "I…" It's almost impossible to tear my eyes away from the newly exposed skin, especially the light trail of hair below his belly button that disappeared under the thick band of his underwear.

His jeans are slung low on his hips, the same hips that surprised me with the effortless flow they had, the same hips that Kendall swayed in ways that my mind couldn't possibly keep innocent. The same hips that he deliberately used to attempt to seduce me while they performed _Show Me. _Hell, he used the whole song to his advantage and as much as it pains me to admit, he looked sexy as fuck on that stage.

James jabs me in the side with his elbow and the pain causes me to snap my eyes away from Kendall.

Get it together.

I clear my throat before answering, "I had a good time."

Kendall pulls his shirt down then smirks, "You sure? You seem sort of… hesitant."

I almost turn away from him in embarrassment, knowing that for the third time tonight he knows just as well as I dothat he's got my heart racing, but instead I keep my eyes locked on his. He can't win this easily. One concert practically dedicating both sweet _and _sexy lyrics to me wasn't going to cut it. I can't give in.

"Yeah, ya'll are great. Especially you, Kendall, such a change from the boy who used to get nervous before singing in front of me with rosy cheeks and sweaty palms."

Logan and James bust out laughing as Kendall shots up in his chair. "I wasn't nervous!"

"Riiight," I counter sarcastically. "Just admit it, Ken. You could perform in front of how ever many people on stage with Dustin, but when it came down to just little ol' me, you struggled."

He narrows his eyes. "Yeah, well, if I remember correctly that obviously wasn't a problem tonight."

"Oh, so _that's_ what confidence looks like. Good look on ya, Schmidt." I playfully wink.

"I was plenty confident with you, Tegan, and you know it," he says in a low voice then looks me up and down unabashedly as if to prove a point. He was right, of course, he'd always been confident in the more… intimate aspects of our relationship.

"Wow, this just went from entertaining to sufficiently awkward in a matter of seconds." James rises and heads over to the door. "I'm going to see if it's time to leave yet."

"Can you two go fuck already? The sexual tension in here is stifling."

Kendall only lifts an eyebrow, Logan's comment not fazing him in the slightest. He lets his eyes travel over my body again, slowly following the zipper down the middle of my top. I pull my blazer back on, having removed it halfway through the show, and make sure it covers the top half of my body. Taking the hint, Kendall's gaze returns to my own and I can faintly make out that dark tint of desire in his eyes that I once loved being the cause of.

I look down for a second before looking back up at him and biting down on my lip lightly. His other eyebrow meets the first, arched high on his forehead as a smirk tugs on his lips.

Dammit. He was supposed to get flustered or something, not take it as encouragement.

"Hey, guys, it's time to go!" James announces from the door and I'm a little relieved when he calls my name.

"What's up?" I ask when I reach him.

He wets his lips before starting, "Listen-"

"You not going to bring up 'you know who' again, are you?" I sigh, pleading that this wouldn't turn into another lecture about my feelings for Kendall.

"No… well not exactly."

"James-"

"Just don't mess with him, okay?"

I stop walking. "What?"

James tugs on my arm, obviously wanting our conversation to stay as private as possible with the group of people following behind us. "I just mean, if you're going to give him a chance you have to actually give it to him. Don't just fuck with his emotions and lead him on if you aren't planning on going somewhere with it."

I cross my arms over my chest and stop again. "Excuse me?"

"I'm not trying to be an asshole, Tegan."

"Really, because it seems to me that you're implying something."

"I'm not, trust me, I'm not." He looks back at the group drawing closer to us. "Can we walk, please?" From the look in his eyes, I can tell that he really wasn't trying to be rude. I nod and continue walking. "A lot of time has passed since you and him, Teige. Kendall hasn't had much luck in the relationship department lately."

I scoff, "I'm not sure if sex in his bunk after a show is a smart way to start a relationship."

"That's not-" He exhales forcefully. "There's a reason why he does- _did_ that. Have you noticed that? He's stopped since you talked to him." I shrug. "Look, Kendall may act like he has everything together, but he doesn't. I just don't want him to get screwed over again, not saying you will. All I'm saying is that if you're not a hundred percent into actually developing a relationship with him, for whatever reason, tell him."

"I'm not going to hurt him, James. I know what it feels like," I say softly.

"It's just that he's one of my best friends and everything…"

"Yeah, I know. You love him," I smile as I nudge him lightly with my shoulder.

James chuckles. "Alright, alright, enough sappy shit. You have the day off Friday, right?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"You should hang out with the guys and I. I don't know what we're going to do just yet, but I'm sure Kendall will want you to be there," he says with a teasing wink.

"Shut up," I laugh and punch his arm. "That's for killing my ribs earlier, by the way."

He raises his hands up in defense. "Not my fault! You we're practically drooling over Kendall. I was expecting you to like pounce on him or something."

"Shut up!"

James jumps away from my raised fist quickly. "So are you going to chill with us or what?"

"Ugh, I guess so," I sigh dramatically. "You'd think I'd get tired of being with ya'll all the time."

Laughing, James teases, "We could say the same about you." He pulls his phone out of his pocket, the bright screen illuminating his features and distracting him from the glare on my face. "It's Halston. See you tomorrow."


	8. Chapter 8

I notice two things as I start to drift into consciousness, one being the incessant yammering of a male whose voice I couldn't quite pin in my barely awake state, and the other being the uncomfortably cold air causing goose bumps to erupt all over my recently uncovered body.

I manage to groan out a "Go away" as I blindly search for my blanket in the cramped space of the bunk.

He laughs and my brain finally matches the voice with a face. Of course it's him. I sigh in defeat, coming up empty handed in the search for my blanket. Forcing one eye open I'm met with his smiling, dimpled face, the desired piece of cloth slung over his arm.

"Kendall, give it. Cold."

He holds the dark red blanket away from my outstretched arms, though they hardly reach an inch out of the bunk.

"Good morning to you too, beautiful. I definitely thought you'd be easier to wake up considering it's your job."

I groan again, pulling my legs up to my chest and rubbing my hands over my shins in hopes of getting rid of the bumps. "Day off," I mutter as my heavy eyelids begin to close.

"You said you'd come go-karting with us, remember?"

Right, it's Friday. When I agreed to spend my day off with the guys, I wasn't expecting a wakeup call.

"Don't want to," I say, even though I've been looking forward to today all week.

"Liar. C'mon, Tegan, get up." Kendall peels my hands away from my knees, tugging me out of the small space. "I'll warm you up," he offers, probably noticing the reappearance of goose-bumps on my legs.

I arch an eyebrow, squinting at him through one eye.

He rolls his eyes, catching on to what I thought he was saying. "I didn't mean it like that," he says with a smile. "Come on, lazy." This time when he pulls on my hands I get up, dropping down onto the floor in front of him. "Still cold?" he asks softly, placing his hands on my hips before I have time to answer.

I sluggishly nod and take a step forward, my need for warmth greatly surpassing any urge to make a sarcastic quip. Kendall's hands move up and down my back, creating heat through the thin fabric of my camisole. He rests his chin atop my head when I finally have the energy to circle my arms around his middle.

Things had gotten somewhat normal between Kendall and I, I guess you could say. Not normal for us of course, our physical interaction limited to hugs only, but normal in general terms. Since the concert on Tuesday, we've been getting along well.

Kendall squeezes me tightly before holding me out at arm's length. "You good now?"

"Mm, I'll be even better when I kick your ass on the track today," I smile.

He laughs loudly, his green eyes bright with amusement. "Right, as if I'm going to let that happen. Did you know that you actually have to be able to reach the pedals to make the kart go?" He holds a hand over his head then moves it over mine mocking the height difference between us.

"Ha ha, very funny," I reply sarcastically. Pushing past him, I walk over to the small bathroom and grab my toothbrush. "You're going down, Schmidt."

He leans against the doorframe, watching as I cover the bristles with toothpaste. "Oh yeah? Wanna bet?"

Through the mirror I lock eyes with him. From the look on his face I can tell he's thinking about the same thing I am.

"_No, you don't understand. I make _the_ best oatmeal cookies," I state as I place the large container of organic oats into the shopping cart._

"_I don't know, Tegan. Oatmeal cookies are alright."_

"_Mine are better than alright, okay? They are fucking delicious, you can ask anyone."_

_Kendall chuckles before saying, "Why do I doubt that?"_

"_Kendall!"_

_He wraps his arms around my waist as if to apologize. "I just don't think I'm ever going to _love _oatmeal cookies."_

"_Wanna bet?" I challenge, my arms rising to cross over my chest._

"_Alright," he says with a laugh, shaking his head softly. "If I win, and you can't get me to fall in love with oatmeal cookies then I get…" He closes his eyes tightly like he's thinking really hard about it and I laugh at how ridiculous and cute he looks. When his eyes pop open he talks quietly, "To kiss you."_

_Pulling my face together in confusion I let out a small giggle. "That's dumb. You can kiss me whenever you want."_

_His arched eyebrows almost disappear under his long dirty blonde hair. "Oh really?" He lifts my hands to loop my arms around his neck. "You never told me that."_

"_Well it's true," I tell him in a voice that's barely above a whisper, the butterflies in my stomach going wild. A half smile forms on Kendall's face, his dimples faintly showing in his cheeks. He leans down and his lips touch mine gently and only for a brief second, but that doesn't stop my heart from racing. _

_When he pulls away, my cheeks start to burn. We start walking through the aisles again. "Do you want to change it now?"_

_He shakes his head. "Not really."_

_I bite down on my lip to keep myself from smiling like an idiot. "Okay well, if I win you have to say, 'Tegan, my sweet, sweet, amazing, gorgeous, Tegan, you were right and I was wrong. Your cookies, like almost everything about you, were exceptional-"_

"_Oh god," he laughs._

"_Don't interrupt," I try to scold, but I only end up joining him in laughter. "You also have to say, 'One day, I hope to be as great as you.' Or 'You're my inspiration'. Something like that, you choose."_

"_Are you serious?"_

"_Yes, I'm serious." I clear my throat and force my expression to change to a serious one before sticking out my hand and asking, "Do we have a deal or not?"_

_He grasps my hand firmly and shakes it. "Deal."_

I spit the foamy toothpaste into the sink then dab my mouth with a towel. "I'm not sure if you want me to remind you about who won the last time we did this." I settle myself against the opposite side of the doorway, fully facing Kendall.

"You can make some pretty kick ass cookies, but I'm not sure if baking skill carries over well on the racetrack."

"Alright, if you're sure. What do you want this time if you win?"

"The same thing," he says seriously, analyzing my face with intense eyes.

James' voice rings in my head, _"Don't just fuck with his emotions and lead him on if you aren't planning on going somewhere with it."_

I swallow hard. "Okay."

The barely noticeable sparkle that disappears from his eyes is the only thing that tells me that he was hoping for a little bit more of what happened last time. My stomach drops.

"Are you going to make me say something ridiculous if you win?" he smirks, though the smile doesn't reach his eyes.

"Hey, it wasn't ridiculous for one, it was fact," I joke. Kendall's smile grows as he shakes his head again like he had the first time. "And probably, I'm just not sure what yet."

"That's not very fair if I don't know what you're going to make me say."

"Well since you're so confident about winning it really shouldn't matter now, should it?"

"Alright, shake on it."

* * *

><p>"I told ya'll I was going to win," I boast while walking over to the table the four guys are occupying. I set my helmet on the table and take the last empty seat between Logan and Kendall.<p>

"How is it even possible that you pulled in front of all of us at the last second?" Carlos asks, obviously still baffled.

"Skiiill," I mouth silently to him and he rolls his eyes good-naturedly.

"You technically only won one lap anyway. And if you look at it that way, Kendall and I won too," James adds.

"But the last lap is the only one that actually _matters_, like in Mario Kart," I tell them.

Carlos, James, and Logan all chuckle as Kendall stifles a laugh.

"Shit, you're almost as bad as Kendall is with the bragging," Logan says.

I shrug. "If ya'll wanna go again I'm more than willing. Just know that you're probably going to lose… again."

"Don't get too much of a big head, Tegan. That was just a warm up for me."

"We do still have that bet to take care of. You up for it, Schmidt?" I stand and offer a hand to him which he takes to pull himself up.

"You know it. But this time, we're only doing one lap." He raises his hands to cup my neck. Heat rises to my cheeks as he moves his fingers slowly up my jaw and tucks loose locks of my hair behind both of my ears. "None of this Mario Kart bull, alright?" he smiles.

He leans over to grab my helmet and I manage to sneak a look at James, who pauses his conversation with Logan and Carlos to flash a knowing look. _"Don't just fuck with his emotions and lead him on if you aren't planning on going somewhere with it."_

I know, I know, I know.

"Fine," I say when Kendall straightens up again. He pulls the royal blue helmet over my hair and I have to tilt my head all the way back in order to see him from under the rim. I tug the zipper of his jumpsuit up to the base of his neck, my hands shaking slightly. "I know what you're going to have to say when I win now."

"When you win, huh?" he asks skeptically, though his eyes are playful.

"Mhm."

"What?"

"You'll see."

The reason why I won the race against the guys was because I spent the first two laps analyzing the way each of them drove. James took turns to close, while Carlos took them too wide. Logan tried to distract whoever he was about to pass by shouting random things. And Kendall… Kendall's "flaw", so to speak, was simply that he is too cocky. If he thought he was going to win, he didn't try nearly as hard.

So, just like I had during the first race, I let Kendall take the lead, staying a good yard or two behind him. About halfway around the track, he grew confident. Turning around to send winks and smirks my way. It wasn't until he rested one hand behind his head that _I_ actually started to try. Gunning the gas, I zoomed past him in seconds. I could hear the other boys whooping and hollering at the "surprising" turn of events. Kendall didn't give up easily though. When I pulled past the finish line, he was barely a second behind me.

I climb out of my kart, tossing my helmet onto the seat and strut my way over to Kendall, unable to wipe the proud smile off of my face. His arms cross over his chest as he scoffs.

"Alright. What do I have to say? Not only does Tegan make great cookies, but she's also killer at go-karting?"

I shake my head. The knots in my stomach grow as I draw closer to him. "Say that you won't hurt me."

The small smile leaves his face as it clouds with confusion. "What?"

"Please just- just, promise me. Promise me that you won't hurt me, because I don't want to get heartbroken again, Kendall, not by you."

He holds my face in his hands with calloused fingers, wiping tears off my cheeks with his thumbs that I didn't notice had fallen. "That's not going to happen." His eyes search my face. Deep, burning, green orbs, begging me to believe him. "I promise, Tegan. I'm not going to hurt you."

"I'm scared, Ken," I whisper, my voice cracking as my eyes drop to the silver zipper on his suit.

"Hey, look at me," he pleads, tipping my head up with his thumbs locked under my jaw. His eyes are somehow soft, yet intense at the same time as he repeats himself, "I'm not going to hurt you."

I don't know if it's the strength of his words, or just that I wanted so badly to trust him, but something makes me believe it.

"Kiss me," I blurt out. "Please k-"

I'm interrupted by his lips finding their way to mine. My hands travel up his chest and around his neck, my fingers instinctively tangling themselves in his hair. He rubs his thumbs gently over my jaw, the motion matching the fluidity of his lips against mine. My heart skips when he trails his tongue over my bottom lip, the sharp intake of air giving him just enough space to slip it into my mouth. I sigh into the kiss, stepping forward and pushing our bodies closer together.

I forgot how amazing it felt to kiss him this way.

Kendall's tongue explores my mouth, revisiting every gap and crevice that he once had memorized, as I do the same to his. He runs his tongue over the ridges of the roof of my mouth, proving that he hadn't forgotten how to make me tick. A small moan rumbles in the back of my throat and sends a shock through my body. I tug at the base of his strands gently. Moaning, Kendall catches my tongue between his teeth and pulls lightly.

I separate our lips, leaning my forehead against his as I try to steady my breathing and ignore the fluttery feeling below my stomach.

His hands travel down to press against the small of my back. "Man, I missed that," he breathes out. I nod, but he pecks my lips lightly before I can voice my agreement. "It looks like we both won."

I smile, bringing my bottom lip between my teeth. "I suppose so."

"God, I really want to kiss you again."

"You can kiss me whenever you want," I reply slyly.

Kendall grins before connecting us in a way that feels so new, yet familiar at the same time.

"Hey! Hello! I'm not sure if you guys have noticed but you're standing in the middle of a race track!"

"We should probably go," I mumble against his lips.

"I kind of just want to keep doing this," he says, moving his nose up and over my own slowly to kiss me from the left side.

"Kendall," I weakly protest, my hands pushing against his chest gently.

"Okay, okay." He detaches his lips, then smiles at me. His large hand encloses around my smaller one as he leads us off of the track. "So how much teasing do you think we're going to have to put up with from them?" He asks, jerking his head toward Carlos, Logan, and James.

"Oh, a _lot_," I say with a short laugh.

"Hmm." He purses his lips in thought, his eyes tracing my silhouette. "It's worth it."

"Always the sweet talker," I tell him, a smile tugging at my lips.

Smirking, Kendall winks. "You know it, baby."

* * *

><p>Short chapter, I apologize. A friend of mine from out of state is flying in to visit me tomorrow and she's staying for a little over a week. So I don't know when I'll have time to update this next, but hopefully it won't be too long of a wait. I really appreciate y'alls feedback and everything so thanks! (:<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

I'm really excited for ya'll to read this, I love the way it turned out. Feedback would be greatly appreciated, enjoy. (:

* * *

><p>With difficulty, I manage to step over piles of clothes and who knows what else quietly enough that I don't wake the boys. The time was still in the single digits and I may or may not have switched buses at a gas station instead of at the actual venue. It wasn't exactly time for the scheduled wake up call, but mornings were the only time that both Kendall and I had free.<p>

Also, I've always liked the way Kendall's voice sounded right after he woke up.

Right as I'm reaching for the curtain, it pulls open, revealing a tired looking Kendall. He's smiling, though it doesn't reach his eyes. "Morning, beautiful."

His voice lacks the rasp it usually possesses when I wake him after a full night of sleep and I start to wonder why. Kendall loves sleeping, that's actually what we spend the majority of our time doing each morning. Sleep, talk, kiss, sleep some more, kiss some more, talk. Maybe he got up earlier for a glass of water, or to go to the bathroom. His hair is disheveled, that's a good sign, plus it's sort of adorable. Why am I worrying anyway? I'm sure it's not even a big deal.

I return the smile. "Morning." After placing a soft kiss onto his lips, I lower back down onto my heels. "Did I wake you? I tried my best to be quiet."

He runs a hand through his hair, smoothing the strands back and away from his forehead. He makes a noise of dissent then says, "I've been awake for a while."

He doesn't sound right. It's something more than just being tired. I've heard tired Kendall, and even when he's tired he still manages to be a little more cheery.

"Rough night?"

He only shrugs, though it's hard to notice since he's shrunk back into the dimly light space of his bunk, my only indication that he even heard what I said being the ruffle of sheets. He pats the small space next to him.

It's always been a question to me as to how Kendall in Logan even had sex in these things. I mean it's only _just_ comfortable to sleep in them with another person, and even then you're squashed together like a pair of spoons, literally, not that I'm complaining. But sex? It'd get uncomfortably hot incredibly quickly. I doubt you could do much without someone's head hitting against some sort of wall.

Doesn't sound alluring, not one bit.

"Come up," he yawns.

As soon as I settle in next to him, leaving my flats on the floor below, I'm engulfed by his strong arms, holding tightly onto me. My body grows warm. I didn't even realize that I was cold before. He tangles our feet together, my stocking covered legs brushing against his sweats. His slightly chapped lips press against my forehead then briefly onto my neck as he buries his face into the crook of my shoulder. His hair tickles against my chin and I use my hands to smooth it down. There's nothing I can do about the tiny prickling hairs around his own chin scratching against my collarbone.

Despite how much I loved cuddling with Kendall, scruff and all, I couldn't ignore the uneasy vibe radiating off him.

"Kenny?" I call softly. I feel his lips turn up into a smile against my skin at the nickname I've only used once or twice years ago. "Is something wrong?"

The smile disappears and the sternness in his voice surprises me as he answers, "I'm fine." Before I have time to call him out for snapping, he pulls his head away and speaks up again, this time gentler. "Sorry. How early are you today?"

Any other time I wouldn't allow the change of subject, especially since whatever it is seems to be bothering him to the point of snapping, but I decide to let it drop. If it's really that big of a deal he'll tell me.

"Uhm," I stumble, though I don't know why.

I shouldn't feel weird about wanting to spend more time with him, right? We're some sort of… thing. People want to spend time with their person, isn't that the whole point of it? But for some reason I was kind of embarrassed. Probably because I've gone from pretending to hate this guy, to wanting to kiss him every chance I get in a matter of days. It is weird, just letting those feelings flow through instead of suppressing them and covering them up with their opposites.

I do like it this way a whole lot better though.

"An hour and a half."

Kendall smirks, a genuine, eye-reaching, smirk, the dimple on his left cheek more prominent than the one on his right. This causes me to blush even more than answering his question did. "That's quite a long time. Forty-five minutes earlier than yesterday, and an hour earlier than the day before."

I couldn't even remember the time I came in on Saturday without having to really think about it, and he got it in less than five seconds. Those damn butterflies are hatching in my stomach again. I swear, they're breeding. Every time Kendall says or does something even remotely sweet, there they are, swarming all over the place. Which is dumb because the last time Kendall and I did this… whatever this thing is we're doing, there weren't nearly as many incidents with this annoying feeling.

At least, I don't think there were.

My hands are still locked behind his head and I start to play with the strands between my fingers to distract myself from the fluttering in my stomach. "Yeah, well, I don't know why, but for some reason I like spending time with you." I shrug as if it's no big deal, but we both know it sort of is.

Kendall scrunches up his nose, his eyebrows furrowing, eyes squinted, the corners of his lips turned up just so far that it's noticeable. I mentally add this face to the list of my favorites, which currently includes the face he makes when he's thinking, when he holds out a generously long note, when he laughs really hard, when he wakes up after a night of sleeping next to me, and when he… you know... releases.

I haven't seen those last two in a while.

"You don't know why?"

Oh, god.

"No, I do, I do! I know! It's because-"

"Too late," he grins, his face brighter than it's been all morning.

"Kendall, please!" I manage to gasp out just as his fingers start pinching and scratching at my sides. "Kendall!" My head tilts back, laughter erupting from my throat while my body thrashes around, my feet kicking uncontrollably.

He calmly hushes me. "You're gunna wake Logan."

But the smile doesn't leave his face and his relentless fingers don't stop, and neither does my laughter. I try to push his arms away, but it's no use, he's much stronger than he used to be. Of course he is, hours of dance rehearsal improved more than just the fluidity of his hips.

"_Ken_!" It comes out as a whine, the muscles in my middle growing extremely tired from laughing so hard.

"Shh." He holds a finger to my lips, finally giving me time to catch my breath. But I don't, because he's swinging a leg over my waist and straddling me between his knees. His breath is hot on my face, the restraints of the bunk forcing us closer. "You're still ticklish."

"I'm still ticklish," I confirm in the same low tone he used, even though he didn't pose it as a question. "I'm still a lot of things."

"You're still beautiful."

It's different this time when he says it. It's not the same as when he uses it as a pet name. This time he means it, this time I can hear all the emotion behind the word that shows that he really, really, believes it.

I squirm underneath him and I'm sure he can feel the heat rushing to my face. "Even though my hair isn't blonde anymore?"

He shakes with a small laugh. The hand he has resting on my cheek moves over to my natural chestnut locks, twisting a piece between his fingers before tucking it behind my ear.

"Yeah."

His lips are damp when they meet mine, masking the dryness they had before. The short hairs along his jawline prick against the pads of my fingers as I trace them over his skin. The hand he has on my waist squeezes gently at my hip, his thumb digging into the soft skin beside my hipbone. A small whimper escapes my lips.

Kendall chuckles. "You still like that," he mumbles against my lips.

Does he remember all the things that turn me on?

I part my lips for his tongue to enter after he trails it across my bottom lip. Our tongues dance together and after exploring every crevice of my mouth, he licks the roof of my mouth. Shooting my hands into his hair, I tug at the base of his almost-too-dark-to-be-blonde locks. His moan rumbles against my lips. The list of my favorite sounds made by Kendall already included this one.

He forces my legs apart with his knees, lowering his body so it's completely covering my own. I bring my legs up, surprised that my knees don't hit against the top of the bunk. My pencil skirt scrunches up my hips. His lips trickle down to my jaw, peppering across the skin and down to my neck. Instinctively, my fingers rake down over the fabric covering his shoulder blades. He sucks at my pulse point before puckering his lips and blowing a cold burst of air onto the wet patch.

Yeah, he remembers.

"You still like that too."

He's clearly amused by this.

I can't do this here. Not where I know he's had other girls.

"K-_Kendall._" My intended protest comes out sounding like something between a gasp and a moan as he lightly bites down on the skin that I'll definitely have to put make-up over later.

My hands are tugging at the base of his shirt without me even thinking about it. Kendall breaks away to shed the dark gray fabric from his upper body and his lips are on mine as soon as he tosses it to the side. Goosebumps rise under the trail of my fingers against his bare back.

His finger inch under my blouse and come in contact with my tucked in camisole, which causes him to groan in frustration before yanking it out from under the belted skirt. I grab his lower lip between my teeth and his eyes flick up to mine. I pull the plump flesh slowly then release it.

"You still like that," I say softly, biting down on the corner of my own lip.

He makes my second favorite noise again.

His eyes have darkened with lust as they stay locked on mine and he smirks. He swirls his finger over my stomach, the tips barely skimming skin in a tantalizingly slow rhythm. My breath hitches in my throat.

Oh, he definitely remembers. And if he does what comes next, there's no way I'll be able to stop him. Or even want him to.

I wrap my hand around his wrist. "Ken-Kendall, we h-have to stop."

Restraint was never something Kendall or I were good at in the past, usually when we went this far we couldn't help but kept going. Half of me is expecting him to keep going anyway, saying something like, "You don't s_ound_ like you want me to stop." While the other half knows he'll listen.

Okay, half of me _wants _him to continue.

He rests his forehead against mine, our chests rising and falling in synch. His eyes are squeezed shut.

"Yeah, yeah, okay," he says shakily.

I brush my thumb over his lips, laughing quietly at the red smudged on and around them. "Lipstick," I tell him when he raises an eyebrow.

"Are you sure it's not my color?" He puckers his lips and tilts his head the side as if posing in a mirror.

I reply in a voice different than my own, imitating a sales clerk. "Definitely not, sorry, honey." I hold my lips together tightly, refusing to let the laughter escape. "Maybe you should try something lighter, that'll compliment your skin tone better."

"But I really like this one." He pouts, he even adds a quiver to his lower lip. "It brings out my eyes."

I can't hold it back anymore; my laughter fills the air once again. He stops batting his eyelashes to glare at me and I only laugh harder. He falters, losing his character in the process. There's no doubt our laughter will have Logan waking up any second.

"Shhh!" I cover his mouth with my hand, muffling his laughs as he does the same to me.

His eyes are bright and full of the admiration they seemed to always hold when he looked at me. I'd be lying if I said I didn't love when we were like this, that we _could _be like this. All silly and ridiculous with each other without having to worry about what the other thinks. Going from moments of lust to ones of pure happiness in a matter of minutes without a second of awkwardness. It was easy and simple and… right.

This is why I liked spending time with him.

This is why it was hard to be with anyone apart from him.

* * *

><p>"So are you two going steady now?"<p>

"Ma, no one calls it 'going steady' anymore, it's just dating." I chew a mouthful of peanut butter and banana, and push my glasses further up the bridge of my nose before continuing. "And I'm not sure, I haven't given it much thought."

That's a lie. I have thought about the status of Kendall and I's relationship, a lot actually. It's not like either of us can go and make it Facebook official and it _has_ only been three days. It bothers me. No, it doesn't, I mean, it shouldn't. It's not like I've asked, and I shouldn't expect him to ask. Right?

"How do you not know, honey?" My mother's smooth voice flows from the speakers.

She's in psychologist mode again, she has been since the moment I told her I was working with Kendall, _that_ Kendall. I think it's fascinating for her, analyzing my love life. Come to think of it, it has been since the moment I became interested in boys. But this was big, because she's sure that I was in love with Kendall five years ago.

"You either are or you aren't." She combs a hand through her short light brown hair that's graying slightly at the roots.

"Sounds like he hasn't put a label on it because he isn't ready to commit to only you."

"Dad!" I almost choke on the milk I'm sipping. I set the glass down next to my half eaten sandwich. "Mom, is dad listening?"

"Tegan, it isn't a big deal, even if he wasn't listening now, he'd still hear about it. You know that." My dad pops onto the screen beside my mom, lifting a hand with a burgundy coffee mug in it at the camera.

My family has always been very close, maybe too close even. I've talked to my mom about pretty much everything since I was fourteen years old; friends, school, parties, boys, you name it. And in turn she's relayed all of that to dad, excluding some minor details. I'm almost a hundred percent sure he still thinks I'm a virgin, but that's for his own good.. My parents have this motto, so to speak, 'leave nothing unsaid', they say.

It probably started after mom became a psychologist.

Having a psychologist as a mother has its pros and cons. On the plus side, growing up we were given loads of freedom to get involved in whatever we wanted and we rarely got in trouble because 'it was all a part of growing up'. But then there were times like this, she would pick your brain to the point where you starting doubting everything you thought you were completely sure about before.

"Tegan, I'm just saying, I was twenty-one once, I know how these boys think."

That's exactly what he said when Kendall was eighteen.

"From what I've heard about this Kendall guy, he doesn't sound like much of the commitment type and I don't want him hurting my baby girl twice."

It's safe to say that dad doesn't like Kendall, at all. He never has. He's always been big on commitment, and seeing as Kendall has never been my official boyfriend… Let's just say it bugs him. Add that on to how Kendall and I's 'relationship' ended, and the fact that he's in a 'successful band that opens up opportunities', and the result is quite negative in his eyes.

Mom, on the other hand, likes Kendall. She doesn't like a lot of the choices he's made in the past, but she sees how happy he makes me. That's what really matters to her, not what happened before, or what might happen next, but this moment, right now. If I'm happy in the present and it just so happens to be because of Kendall, then she's happy as well.

"Daddy," I sigh. "I know what it seems like, but Kendall…" I gaze over the laptop screen, trying to collect the right words that could convince dad that Kendall isn't as bad as he thinks he is. How did I convince myself again? "Kendall isn't…" I snap the hair band around my wrist twice and right as I look up he's walking through the door. "Kendall!"

"Honey, are you going somewhere with this?" Mom asks skeptically.

Kendall waves, the grin on his face spreading to mine. After a second, he nods at the computer.

"Oh yeah, sorry." Great, now I'm going to have to talk about Kendall right in front of him, there's no way I'm not going to be fifty shades of red after this. "Kendall's really sweet, dad. He treats me better than most of the guys I've dated." I sneak a glance at Kendall to see that his eyes are on me, a soft smile spread on his lips. He sits across from me at the small makeshift dinner table of the bus. "I know it's hard for you to not put him in this negative light because of what's happened in the past, but you have to trust me. You raised a smart girl, daddy, I'm not going to go around messing with jerks, alright?"

"I do trust you, baby girl. It's him I don't."

I wince and Kendall's smile drops at one corner.

"Promise me you'll at least give him a chance, dad? I really really like him. A lot," I add after a beat, seeing Kendall's expression return to the one he had when he walked in.

As soon as I see mom's mouth open, I know exactly what she's going to say.

"Aww, honey, you're-"

"Mom," I warn.

I'm not.

"Maybe if I meet the kid," Dad says, acting as if mom hadn't even said anything. "When are you coming around here?"

I silently thank him for the change in subject. Like I said, mom doesn't like to leave things unsaid, so unless she's distracted she'll try to say that I'm… in love again. It's bad enough she says it around dad, but with Kendall within an earshot? No way.

"About two weeks from now. There's a show in San Diego, then Irvine the next day."

Wait, did he say he wanted to meet Kendall? Kendall meeting _my_ parents? That's… big.

"Will you be able to come home?" Mom asks, her voice raising an octave in excitement.

"I don't know, m-maybe. Where's Danielle? Is she home?"

Danielle's an escape route. Fourteen year olds don't care about whether or not their older sister is in love or if the guy's she's with is good or not. Well, this fourteen year old doesn't.

"Yeah, I'll go get her. Nice talking to you, sweetheart." Mom waves before standing up.

"You too, ma. Love you guys."

"Love you too," they call back in unison.

When they've both disappeared off the screen I mute the microphone and push the computer away so that it's no longer a divider between Kendall and I.

"What are you doing here?"

He leans forward to peck my lips. "I told the guys I was coming here to eat."

"Want some of my sandwich?"

He nods. I hold the food up to his mouth and he takes a considerable bite from the side.

"My dad doesn't like you," I say with a sigh.

It's better to just address the elephant in the room.

He pushes the food into a cheek, then talking out of the side of his mouth, he says, "I know."

"He doesn't think you're the 'commitment type'."

The atmosphere is weird again, like it was this morning. Kendall doesn't say anything, he just nods. What's that supposed to mean? Is he agreeing? No, he can't be because he is the commitment type. I know he is, I mean, look at us. We may not have a label, but we're exclusive.

Right?

Duh, he's only with me and I'm only with him. But if it's this way then why can't we just put a label on it?

Dammit! Mom did it again.


End file.
